Edited by isalee
It was impossible for today’s version of me to find a reason to act normal.
Ever since Gu Yiliang brought a bottle of “business-commencing” tea with a heart drawn on it this morning, today was going to be an extraordinary day.
The number one ranking on the “The World’s Top CP Fans That Cannot Expose Their Own Identity”; The record holder for losing their breaths after being flirted with by Gu Yiliang; The person who’s never able to flirt with someone but always falls for the other’s flirting; The first person to ship himself into real feelings.
With all these bright and shiny names above my head, I, who was only considered a top when it came to “Top 1 rankings” in people’s hearts, I had won a whimper from the flirting king Gu Yiliang.
This pleasant-sounding whimper, sounding like a sound of nature, had too profound a meaning for me.
This was acknowledgement and affirmation towards me, and it showed respect and encouragement towards me.
The agreed-upon fanservice: mutual flirtation, love, and joy. I’ve finally achieved them.
Feeling the pain in my pelvis fade, my eyes shone brightly. With tears in my eyes, I grabbed Gu Yiliang’s hand, “Are you happy?”
Gu Yiliang gave me an uncertain look. “Should I… be happy?”
Passion burning in my eyes, I swayed his arm. “I’m very happy.”
This was my one small step for myself, and one giant leap in changing the positions of this pairing.
From this moment on, I was no longer that Wei Yanzi who could only helplessly be flirted with.
The bugle, alerting the switch of positions, was ringing. Extremely excited, I held onto Gu Yiliang’s hand, looking into his eyes. It felt as though I could see the bright, open future where I took the top position through the black pupils–
All of a sudden, a very quiet female voice drifted from not far away, sounding just like a whimper.
Gu Yiliang and I turned towards the source of the sound at the same time. At the moment of our simultaneous action, another whimper could be heard.
Fear appeared in my eyes. Hey! Where did this whimpering beast come from?
From today onwards, I will never allow anyone other than Gu Yiliang to whimper non-stop in front of me!
A girl who seemed quite young was standing in a dark corner a distance away. Carrying a thermal lunch box in one hand, she covered her mouth with the other as she watched us with rounded eyes.
From her gaze, I could clearly read a sentence – “Fuck, my ship is real.”
As well as the heaving and thrumming enthusiasm of a fan.
I confirmed the look in her eyes. She was someone on the Niangzi ship.
Very quickly, there was a reason to return everything back to normal.
I momentarily put on a professional idol-face, elegant yet friendly, friendly yet lively, lively yet solemn as I gave her a nod.
You thought that the current version of me would be as lost as I was in the past? Hah, how naive, and you’re very very wrong.
Cool and collected is one of the necessary characteristics to be a top.
The way I held hands with Gu Yiliang was just like how the country’s leaders shook hands. It was not inappropriate in the slightest, perfectly restrained. The gaps would be filled in by the girl herself, and it was fine even if a photo had been taken without our knowledge, as it could not pose a threat. After all, this was the hospital, and if everything was dealt with properly, we could even make a reasonable claim of mutual aid and friendship in the professional fanservice relationship.
With such clear, defined logic in front of a CP fan, I was able to consider how to deal with this situation properly without a change in my expression so as to gain the best benefit out of this. I felt that I was another step closer to the top position.
Just as I was about to wave the girl over, acting out a reasonable scene of two leads of the CP showering a CP fan with love, Gu Yiliang suddenly raised his hand, gesturing at me to calm down and not act hastily. He also pulled his mask down, mouthing at me to not be scared, then gave me a look saying that he would handle everything, before striding over to the girl.
Why did it feel as though the blaring bugle of the position switching alert had been suddenly cut off?
My vision swam. Hiss, this reliable feeling, hiss, this feeling of ease that filled the entire body, hiss, this–
Before I had time to hiss out the third parallel, the entire situation crumbled in front of me.
I watched as Gu Yiliang stopped in front of the girl, placing a finger in front of his lips as he winked and smiled. “You must help us keep this a secret.”
The girl immediately clamped her hands over her mouth, squealing, and her head nodded like a jackhammer.
My fluff! Ah, no, I’ve been too used to saying that. My knife, where’s my knife?!
The cool and collected characteristic of a top clearly would never belong to me. Dragging my sickly body, I shifted over to them with difficulty, trying to pull Gu Yiliang back as quickly as possible to shove him down the toilet bowl and flush him away.
Although it was just a distance of a few steps, I was not moving that slowly either. No matter how fast my feet were, they could not compare to Gu Yiliang’s mouth.
Gu Yiliang did not seem to notice how great an impact his words had left on the other two people on the scene. Smiling, he asked, “Hmm, did you take a photo?”
The girl’s performance of a jackhammer paused, and she said yes, embarrassed.
Gu Yiliang put his palms together, a gesture of plea. Tilting his head, he acted cute, asking nicely, “Can you delete it?”
Without waiting for the girl to react, he turned to look at me who was limping over as I held onto my pelvis, then turned his head back. With a faint trace of doting and tyranny in his expression, he smiled and continued, “–don’t wish that others see him like this.”
Gu Yiliang, I’m begging you, please!!
When you speak, please add the subject to your words!!
Only I know what you mean, and I’m the one who feels that being like this is too awkward. It’s “ME” who doesn’t wish for others to see me like this!!
It’s me! Your cute little darling Wei Yanzi!!
The girl’s soul was almost about to separate from her body, entering reincarnation. I was also about to pass away like a Buddhist monk in a sitting posture, turning into a sacrifice.
Why must the heavens torture me like this, why must they let me hear all this? My ears have sinned greatly!
No one will be able to feel how much, at that very moment, I wanted to lie under the car with Ah Du1 so I’d never have to see Gu Yiliang and feel so vexed.
Gu Yiliang was a vacuum sealer that had come to life. Among the three people, there were already two who were trying to gasp for any trace of air already, but his smile was still like a spring breeze. “May I?”
Gritting her teeth, the girl handed her phone over to him with a trembling hand. I had finally made my way over to them as well. It was not too late yet, as long as I–
Gu Yiliang said, “These photos were taken quite nicely, you can keep them. Just don’t publish them widely–”
There was still time! As long as I–
Gu Yiliang commented, “Why don’t you send me the photos.”
Even the gods could not salvage this.
Even the gods could not salvage this!!
I knew nothing about whatever that happened later, as I forcefully pried my attention away, flying up into the sky as though my soul was a kite.
You want to ask why?
For me who was sober and awake, how was I going to face all this?
Gu Yiliang wrapped his arm around me, who could not move well. Like an old, married couple walking with each other, we slowly left the girl’s sight.
His steps were steady, while my every step faltered.
A smile could be seen on his face, while I had tears in my eyes.
Even when I had once again changed into my pyjamas, lying on Gu Yiliang’s bed obediently, my eyes still looked lost.
Why was it always like this. Why exactly, why.
When I was hiding in the corner of a closet, sneakily stuffing myself full of fluff, Gu Yiliang was the flirting king of kings, personally dragging me out of the closet.
When he flirted with me to the point where I lost my wits entirely, my brain bursting, he again returned to his straight guy nature, grabbing me by my hair and shoving me back into the closet.
When I was wise and calm, I only wanted to fulfill my duty and work on this little fanservice business of mine. He awakened his generous character, pressing everyone’s head down without a care in the world–
Taste it! Taste it, all of you! Taste it carefully! Enjoy the taste of this Niangzi fluff on the tip of your tongue!
Why, exactly, why?
Could there really be such a wonderful person in this world, who was so naturally flirtatious, naturally straight, and still performed such natural fanservice? Or did his sexuality depend on the phases of the moon?
The moon had the new, waning, waxing, and full phases, while Gu Yiliang had the yes, no, bent, and straight phases?
Muddleheaded, I contemplated this problem. Next to me, the bed sunk slightly. Gu Yiliang had climbed into bed.
We each occupied a half of the bed, and between us was the Milky Way.
I did not move recklessly, I dared not move recklessly.
Experience told me to definitely not anticipate or guess anything Gu Yiliang might do.
Because no matter which direction I looked eagerly from the center of the three-way junction, he would amazingly avoid all my anticipation and guesses without leaving any traces, and do something that was completely out of my expectations.
Eh? Hold on for a moment.
My eyes narrowed – Why did this sound like raising a flag?
Then, should I… give it a try?
Closing my eyes, I chanted silently, “Gu Yiliang will definitely not take the initiative to speak to me Gu Yiliang will definitely not take the initiative to speak to me Gu Yiliang will definitely not take the initiative to speak to me–”
Gu Yiliang flipped over. “Are you asleep yet?”
Holy cow! What did I discover?! Was this the law of countering Gu Yiliang?!
I, Wei Yanzi, the Gu scientist!!
I coughed lightly. “No, what’s up?”
Gu Yiliang pushed a little more of the blanket toward me. “… I shouldn’t have said that about you at the hospital. Actually, your acting skills have improved.”
So he would actually self-reflect on his mistakes so carefully? Look at his meticulousness — was he really the same person as that level 6 Kha’Zix?
No matter what, one had to be humble after being complimented. Waving him off, I said, “No no, my skills are still at an idiotic level…”
Gu Yiliang said earnestly, “How could that be? You’re at least at the level of Patrick Star now.”
Is that you?! Level 6 Kha’Zix? 6th Bro? Is that you, 6th Bro?!
Me: “… Then I’ll continue working hard, and aim to reach the level of the panda, Pang Dahai, as soon as possible.”
Him: “Mn mn, it’s good that you have such confidence.”
Today’s conversation really could not go on any further. Even if Wu Xie was here, it was hopeless.
I pulled up the blanket, blocking the 180˚ roll of my eyes, then shut my eyes and tried to go to sleep.
Gu Yiliang remained silent for quite some time. When he spoke again, his voice sounded a little hesitant and cautious. “… When I said to play video games, did you get angry?”
I opened my eyes abruptly.
What was his question? Did I get angry? –
Of course I did not.
I only just silently sang about the surging waves thirteen times until I was blue in the face, played a ranked match as though I was playing against the computer, and eliminated the heads of twenty-odd people off the opposing team as I took every head as yours. Like a madman, I wanted to compete in flirting with you until I sat down and landed myself in the hospital. A small part of my heart felt just like Concubine Qi, beaten to death in the rain.
That was it.
In the dark, my face looked savage, but my tone was calm. “I wasn’t angry.”
From his side, it sounded as though he had sighed in relief. No longer worried, he said, “Then that’s good.”
He laughed gently, “I thought you were so fierce playing the game because you were angry with me.”
In my heart, I chanted like mad, “Gu Yiliang will definitely not choke to death because of himself Gu Yiliang will definitely not choke to death because of himself Gu Yiliang will definitely not choke to death because of himself–”
Gu Yiliang suddenly gave a few quiet coughs.
Let me tell you seriously, you’ve pissed me, the Gu scientist, off!
In my heart, I chanted like mad, “Gu Yiliang will definitely not roll off the bed Gu Yiliang will definitely not roll off the bed Gu Yiliang will definitely not roll off the bed-“
Gu Yiliang’s body shifted slightly outwards, then quickly shifted a little back to the centre.
Inside me, I gasped repeatedly. What an amazing form of black magic. Then, if I were to chant that Gu Yiliang was definitely a straight–
My thoughts came to a halt, as someone had suddenly leaned over, kissing my forehead and quietly said, “Good night, sweet dreams.”
Oh my god!!
This law of countering Gu Yiliang was too tyrannical!!!
Did I turn Gu Yiliang gay with black magic?!
Am I really a Gu scientist?!