Edited by Isalee
Imagine this: A Gu Yiliang, a little tentative, shy and anticipatory, inviting you to see a movie.
Question: What would you do?
Answer: I don’t know about you guys, but anyway, once he smiles at me, don’t even mention a movie. If he asks me about eloping with him, I would immediately pack up, gently pull him up, and elope. We’ll sprint towards blissfulness, running straight forward with no turning back.
Like a housefly, I rubbed my hands together, buzzing about in the lounge. I picked up a huge black face mask, put it on, then found a coat with a high collar. I put that on and dug out a big and broad scarf and put that on—
Why were there no gas masks or facekinis in the lounge?!
As I circled about the room while pondering whether I should just find a pair of stockings and pull it over my head, amused, Gu Yiliang brought me out of my thoughts with a light touch, tugging a baseball cap over my head. “We’re going to watch a movie, not rob a bank. We can just make do with wearing a cap.”
Him: “If you’re dressed like this, you’ll either be dragged into the police station by the police, or be sent into the police station by earnest passersby.”
He moved to remove the scarf and jacket off me. I was silent for a moment, then my eyes swept past the makeup bag left behind by Little Chen.
Gu Yiliang sat down obediently on the chair, allowing me to draw and paint on his face. He asked curiously, “You even know how to apply makeup?”
“I know some of the basics.” I thickened his eyebrows, lowering them a little, then changed the shape of his eyes. “Things like concealing flaws, dark eye circles, and trimming eyebrows — they can make one look more energetic in appearance.”
Him: “I can’t even tell that you’ve put on makeup normally.”
Words from a heterosexual x 1
Him: “It seems like there’s completely no difference from when you have no makeup on.”
Words from a heterosexual x 2
Him: “You’re very good looking without makeup too.”
Words from a heterosexual x 3
Him: “You’re very good looking no matter what.”
Me: “…Enough, enough, if you don’t know how to give compliments, you should just stop—”
Just as my sentence ended, he leant over, giving me a kiss, then smiled at the frozen version of myself, “Alright, I’ll stop.”
How could I forget that he’s the sort who can seamlessly switch between a heterosexual and a homosexual?
Overwhelmed with feelings, I cupped my right hand with my left and gave him a bow.
Puzzled, he returned the bow, innocently asking me, “What’s the next step? To bow to the heavens1
Little Chen pushed the door open and walked in. Upon seeing me, he froze. “Why is your face so red?”
My entire heart had been plucked by Gu Yiliang to steep in mead. Smiling brightly, I answered, “I’m just in good spirits.”
With a flourish, Little Chen said sonorously, “Does that mean, you’re Brigade Commander Xu’s man2?”
My heart sobered up in an instant, and I said succinctly, “Scram.”
After finishing Gu Yiliang’s makeup, I took two steps back, studying him for a moment, and was very satisfied with the results — with these brows, mask, and a more mature hairstyle, even if his fanclub saw him, they would not recognise him.
Gu Yiliang took the makeup bag from my hands. “Then I’ll help you apply makeup now.”
I was uncertain. “You know how to do it?”
Confidently, he said, “I was watching you apply everything just now, and I don’t think it’s too hard.”
I sat down, my back facing the mirror. I looked at Gu Yiliang who had his eyes lowered and was pencilling my eyebrows. My heart was saturated with tenderness and sweetness, and although the makeup was meant to uglify ourselves, this daily task of applying makeup mutually — was truly too sweet!!
Little Chen started to speak, but he faltered as he looked at us.
As Gu Yiliang drew and drew, he sighed softly in disappointment. “Too bad my phone is spoilt, if not I can take a photo and post it on Weibo.”
This guy who wouldn’t feel comfortable if he didn’t post on Weibo, was this because he wanted to perform fanservice, or did he want to show off our relationship?
To follow such a CP who would lead them out of their misery, the Niangzi Army must have been pleading in front of the gods for thousands of years in their previous life.
I clicked my tongue silently, giggled a little silently, then reflected for a bit. This sort of interaction could still be considered quite innocent, and it could be posted!
So, with my screen on my Weibo login page, I handed my phone to him, “Here, log in into your account.”
He accepted the phone, logging in swiftly, then handed the phone to Little Chen. “Please, help us take a photo.”
Wanting to speak but faltering again, Little Chen accepted the phone.
Only after I watched Gu Yiliang stop typing, tapping on the top right corner of the screen, did I then suddenly realise—
The Super Fans Club app!!!
Although he did think I was his fan in the past, to have the actual person himself see the notification from the Super Fans Club app was too embarrassing!!!! Whatsmore, there was the “your baby” part!!!
As my phone vibrated, with a notification popping up, I simultaneously snatched my phone back.
Gu Yiliang was surprised, and his eyes were fixed on the screen of my phone. He then chuckled softly, ruffling my hair. “Let’s finish applying the makeup.”
It seemed like I had managed to slip through. Heaving a breath of relief, I allowed him to continue working on my face.
Little Chan wanted to speak, but he faltered as he looked at me.
Me: “Little Chen, if you have something to say, say it quickly—”
Little Chen: “Stop the makeup, you need to turn back and look at the mirror hurry up quick quick quick if you don’t look it’ll be too late!!”
I looked at the mirror.
I left the embrace of honeyed tenderness, I wiped away the two seaweed-like eyebrows, then made myself a little uglier. With lifeless eyes, I put on my cap and mask, and followed Gu Yiliang out of the door.
Gu Yiliang got into the car, reaching out and poking at me, then poked at me again. “I’m sorry, I had good intentions, but my skills weren’t up to par.”
I made a mistake in trusting the heterosexual. I truly made a mistake in handing myself to the heterosexual. With a heavy heart, I said, “Such an ugly look, and it’s even—”
Gu Yiliang pressed a kiss right onto me, and at the end, he even used the soft tip of his tongue to lightly flick the corner of my lips. He then smiled, “I’m stopping, but you look good no matter what.”
Not only could he apply what he learnt very well, but he could even lie with his eyes wide open. Amazing, amazing, he truly was a man who could turn me, Wei Yanzi, gay.
With a sweetness flowing in my throat, I cleanly forgot that he was the culprit who made me so ugly. I even leant over and kissed his cheek, and by the time I remembered again, he had already turned his attention onto driving.
Really, no matter what, he would always coax me into a state of muddle headedness!
There was once again a sweetness in my throat. However, this time, it was the iron-tinged sweetness of blood! I was angry, angry with myself for being so useless.
Tonight, I must definitely drag him into bed and settle him there and then. I must also courageously snatch the position at the top, to wash away the same feeling of being flirted so!
Looking at Gu Yiliang’s face and how he was focused on driving, the little man in my heart clenched his fists tightly in determination.
As his fists continued to be tightly clenched, I suddenly started smiling foolishly.
— Sweet, it was truly sweet.
The car flew down the road, and the atmosphere was not too bad. However, the silence and the cool breeze were enough to leave people a little anxious.
Then… would it not be wonderful to have some BGM to liven things up?
On my own initiative, I turned on his list of Top 50 Classic European Love Songs.
As he drove, Gu Yiliang glanced at me as I was swaying along to the music. Huffing out a breath, he smiled, “I thought that you didn’t like these songs. The last time I drove you, you seemed to be very pained when listening to them.”
That was because I was in a totally different mindset then! I was still a heterosexual!
I opened my mouth to speak, only to wrench back any sound that was about to spill from my lips.
Hold on, according to him, these songs were meant for me to hear?
Exactly how long had he been premeditating this?!
My eyes widened. “You chose these songs on purpose?”
He scratched his nose. “… Mn. That day, I had wanted to bring you to, yes, eat.”
Oh, I remember now.
There was that sucker who booked the entire high class restaurant and even hired a violinist.
Who cares if he only did it for fanservice or to really flirt with me. In any case, I had fallen for it. All roads lead to Rome, and he must take responsibility.
Waves of sweet, romantic sentiments crashed upon my heart, and my eyes curved in a smile. “Mn, the songs are pretty good.”
He agreed with me, and took the opportunity when waiting at a red light to ruffle my hair. Seemingly a little nervous, he said earnestly, “The lyrics… are all things that I want to say.”
Me: ? No, wait, then just say it out loud?
What a shortcut, what a time-saving measure. With so many words of love, just compress them into a file, words-of-love.rar, and send it to Wei Yanzi.
Although I thought about it that way, I still could not help but go through the lyrics in my head. Every line was an impactful tease, and it made me want to both fuck him and drown in sweetness at the same time.
With thousands of words stuck in my heart, I felt as though I was drifting amongst the clouds. Reaching out, I placed my hand on his, on top of the gearstick.
Right at that moment, the traffic light turned green. He paused for a slight moment, then stepped on the accelerator.
The music played on, and waves of romantic sentiments swelled upon us like a rising tide.
Having learnt the little trick of teasing a person with lyrics, as I hummed along to “Close To You”, I swayed towards Gu Yiliang. Putting into practice what I had learnt, I asked, “Then, can you guess why I’m swaying towards you? Hint: it has something to do with the lyrics—”
The little shy and bashful man in my heart answered silently. Because I want to get close to you~
Holding onto the steering wheel, he contemplated for a moment, then asked me tentatively, “Because… If the sound waves are too strong, they will hit the ground3?
The little shy and bashful man in my heart: “…”
Waves of romantic sentiments pulled away from us like a falling tide.
Did he have some sort of setting that all flirtations would fail against him?!
I, who fell for all flirtations, had received a heavy, overwhelming blow!
With lifeless eyes, as well as a lifeless heart, I watched as Gu Yiliang park his car outside a slightly more remote Apple store.
He asked me to stay in the car while he entered the store himself.
I watched him leave, sighing sorrowfully in my heart — why was my boyfriend able to have the ability to be both a complete blockhead at romance, while being innately good at romance at the same time?
Was the world just unfair, or was he really so stupid that this just came naturally to him?
In any case, I could never understand his character setting.
He was gone for a while. I was bored waiting, and upon looking at my phone, I saw that there were two unread notifications from the Fan Clubs app.
I didn’t even need to think to know that he had tagged me. Having yet to see what he sent on Weibo, I tapped in.
@GuYiliang_Liam: A Cool You[Breeze][Breeze][Laughing][Laughing]@WeiYanzi_William
【The accompanying photo was us in the lounge, with him bowing his head and drawing my brows. The composition was perfect, and the tone was harmonious. With two pieces of seaweed on my face, I knew the scent of the sea.】
Expert! Master! The top-ranked player!
This series of rhetorical words, steady yet a little cheeky, cheeky and a little teasing, and the teasing was perfectly appropriate—
I submit. I submit completely. Was he holding my head down again, forcing me to feed on Niangzi fluff?!
My phone had only been in his hands for such a short period of time, yet he completed the whole series of “looking at my Weibo”, “understanding my Weibo post”, “coming up with a suitable response”, and “sending the Weibo post”?
Was he a spy hidden in the Niangzi Army??
In the same frame, the tagging, the eyebrow drawing, the end user, the rhetorical words, and he even used the same song!
The flowers, you once told me, how did you walk this path4?!
I can’t anymore. When Gu Yiliang got out of the car, he did not crack the window open for me. In the car, I pressed a palm to my chest, suffocating from the sweetness.
Insulin was no longer enough, I needed a ventilator.
Walking over from afar, Gu Yiliang fiddled with the phone in his hand, opening the car door and getting in.
He turned his head towards me and asked, “Later— What happened to you?”
It was just that my position of enjoying fluff was too unique, and I did not have time to readjust myself. As such, I could only go along, pressing against my chest and pointing wildly at the window.
He hurriedly wound the windows down.
I gasped loudly for air. Feigning that I had calmed down, I complained with a wail, “You wanted to suffocate me to death!”
He gave me a few breaths of life, smiling as he pinched my cheek. “Just tell me straight away if you want kisses.”
I was kissed by him to the point of nearly hyperventilating. Again, I was deeply astonished by his abilities to misinterpret things and flirt, that were even more unique than the way I enjoyed fluff.
He truly lived up to the name of being a top-ranked player!
I lost again!
No, wait, in front of him, it seemed as though I completely had no chance of winning at all?!
The car started again, and both the emotions in my eyes and heart were very complicated.
I poked him, and poked him again as I confirmed with him, “Did you perform fanservice with other people in the past before?”
Him: “Huh? No?”
Me: ? Then why are you so skilled at it?!!
Me: “… Oh. By the way, you listen to Cheer Chen as well?”
Him: “Yup, why?”
Without waiting for my response, he turned and looked at me, smiling, “You saw my Weibo post?”
Without waiting for my response, he continued, “That song was too niche, I was afraid you never heard it before.”
Hold on, did he not see my Weibo?!