Edited by Planetes
When I opened the door, out of habit, I still called out into the house. “I’m home!” Just like always, there was no response. It was fine, I was already used to it. First, Yi Tian was not here everyday, and second, even if he was, he had never responded before.
I dragged my luggage into the house. This time, my work had taken me to A City for a week, and I had been running around the factories everyday with my manager. In the evening, I still had to join the heads’ drinking sessions, and could only return to the hotel in the middle of the night. I would vomit violently in the toilet, and by the time I fell asleep, I had lost track of time. Having not rested properly over the past few days, I was now extremely weary, and only wanted to quickly shower and sleep on my bed.
Bending down to change my shoes, I discovered that there were two pairs of shoes there. Taken aback, I walked into the living room, and immediately heard cloying pants coming from the bedroom.
I froze on the spot.
“Yi Tian… softer… softer… Ah…” The voice got higher and higher.
As I listened to these moans laced with sobs, my heart felt like it had been pricked over hundreds of time by a needle, the pain causing me to tremble.
I suddenly recalled a news that I saw in the past. A wife came home to find her husband rolling about in their bed with his mistress, and in a fury, she picked up a knife and hacked them to death. At this moment, I had an abrupt sense of admiration for this wife, as she could at least transform her pain into rage, and had the strength to take them all down with her. As for me, I could only shudder like an epileptic patient, supporting myself on the couch and slowly taking a seat. As such, I did not end up embarrassingly collapsing on the ground.
Actually, all humans had the instinct to avoid pain. Just like now, every single one of my cells was screaming out at me to leave this place. However, I tightened my fists. No matter how painful it was, I remained sitting there, torturing myself.
Something in my heart swiftly vanished. I was thankful that the determined, ridiculous and unshakeable love was disappearing from my heart. At the same time, I could only watch as my inner world crumbled, and be unable to do anything about it.
When I was a child, I had inadvertently saw a scene on the television. In the eyes of the boy, the world was in black and white, but when he saw a certain girl, he could see colours. Starting from the girl’s body, the colours slowly diffused out. The blue of the sky, the red of the cherry blossom, the boy’s world slowly became bright and colourful.
During that period of time, whenever I closed my eyes, this colourful image would appear in my mind. I told myself, there would be one day that I would too be able to have this person appear in my life, giving me my redemption from my hopeless and dark life, bringing me light and dreams.
And now, my light and dreams was in my house, in my bedroom, rolling in my bed with someone else.
I exhaled, standing up again to go to the door to retrieve my luggage. It was probably because I had turn numb from the extreme pain, or maybe there was a limit to the pain a person could feel, even though this provocation was tremendous, I finally could throw them all aside, and no longer had to be tortured by them.
I dragged my luggage into the living room. Those two people were probably done, and there was no other sounds in the house. Opening my luggage, I took out everything I had bought for Yi Tian that had occupied two-thirds of my luggage space. The things he like, the food he like, they all piled up on the table. I found a big bag from the cabinet, and placed everything inside, preparing to throw them out later. Looking at this full bag of items, my heart hurt to the point where even my teeth ached. How was this any different from throwing money away?
I heard the door opening behind me. Turning my head around, I watched as Yi Tian walked out. This man was dressed in a pair of jeans, and his upper body was bare. His fringe was damp with sweat, and under his straight nose, his lips tightened coldly. When he saw me, there was no surprise on his face, and only walked past me to pour himself a glass of water and gulping it down. Dazedly, I watched as he swallowed, looking at that handsome face that I had been missing for an entire week. I thought, I would have to throw that cup away as well, as no matter how I sanitised it, it would never be clean. Then a delicate and pretty boy also walked out from the bedroom. If I was described as the type of person who would not be spotted on the streets even with a magnifying glass, he would be the type that would become the center of attention no matter where he went.
I had thought that he would be surprised, embarrassed and ashamed to see me. After all, this was my home, and the person on him just now was my lover. Who would have guessed that this person did not look at me at all, only smiling at Yi Tian and left with a “I’ll be going”. I shook my head as I watched his departing back, exclaiming silently that this child was highly skilled. Compared to those little boys who after sleeping with Yi Tian then ridiculed me and gloated to me, he was more than a level higher than them. However, all these no longer had anything to do with me, I would just let them continue twisting themselves over it.
I should put the clothes in my luggage back in my room, but at this moment, I did not want to go in. It was not because I did not dare to face it, but I was worried that the stench inside would overwhelm me, and so I could only talk about business first.
“Yi Tian, let’s break up.” My voice was so calm it was as though I had just said “today’s weather was great”. Even I was startled by my own calmness.
The man standing opposite put down his glass and cocked his brow at me. A moment later, he spat, “Were we ever together?”
I realised my mistake, thinking that I was a fool to say something like this. When had we ever been together? Yi Tian and I were only a free sex tool to each other, and he was a sex tool that I had used a despicable method to capture and hold on to him.
I walked into the study, unlocking the last drawer of the desk. Pulling out a folder from within, I opened it to confirm the photos and negatives inside, then stood up and walked out. These were the things that I had used to trap him by my side for three years.
I walked up to him and handed the folder over. “The photos and negatives are all inside.”
He did not take them, and his mouth curled into a mocking smile. “What are you trying to do this time?”
I looked at the untrusting expression on his face, and my heart felt completely empty. He was probably thinking that I had designed another trap for him to fall into, so even if in front of him was the thing that he had been desperately searching for in the past three years, he did not dare to accept it.
This was not his fault. Three years ago, I had drugged him and had sex with him, then took some photos and blackmailed him into being with me. These photos were my only chips. If I lost them, not only would I lose him, but I would probably lose my life as well. Giving it to him so easily, it would instead be strange if he was not suspicious about it.
Actually, with Yi Tian’s background, even if those photos were leaked, no one would dare to spread them. However, it did not matter. With his character, he would never allow another person to see those photos. So, I still succeeded, succeeded in making him stay by my side.
I thought, things would improve. As long as I worked hard, I treated him well, treated him as best as I could, treated him even better, he would definitely be moved by me, and would accept me, and love me.
How stupid and immature I was at that time, to not know that in this world, not everyone’s efforts would be rewarded.
I shoved the folder into his hands. “You’re free now. There would no longer be anyone to threaten you anymore.”
As he frowned and studied me while opening the folder, his face instantly changed when he saw the unsightly photos inside. It was like he had seen the most disgusting and nauseating thing.
I was a little tired, weary to the point where I could barely open my eyes. In the end, I still went into the bedroom and found a blanket, carrying it to the living room and preparing to sleep on the couch.
Yi Tian was still standing motionless in the living room. The sudden happiness must have made him be at a loss for what to do. I ignored him, leaning on the couch and preparing to enter my dreamscape. Suddenly, something wrenched me up. I opened my eyes, and Yi Tian was staring fiercely at me, his hand around my collar. “What exactly do you want to do?!”
I looked up, staring at the ceiling. The lights of the ceiling were old and rundown, the wallpaper wrinkled and yellow. Just like their owner, they gave off a sense of degradation. A moment later, I heard my hollow voice. “Yi Tian, this is my home…”
Since I was young, the thing I had yearned for the most was only to have a home. When I was selected and returned like an item in the orphanage, when I was ostracised and bullied in school, when I was lying on the bed in the middle of night feverish, the only thought in my head in those times was, if only I had a home.
When I grew up, I finally had a home. Although this home was rented, although it was small and dilapidated, although my only family member did not love me, but all of that did not matter, I was already very satisfied.
Only, I had not thought that Yi Tian would hate me so much to bring someone here, humiliating me to this extent.
Ever since we were together, he would use all sorts of methods to hurt me and test me, searching for my bottom limit, and seeking pleasure in my pain. I had to congratulate him for finally hitting me in the spot where it hurt the most, where it was so painful that I no longer had the strength to hold on to him.
Yi Tian looked at me icily, abruptly letting go and standing up. Going to the bedroom to take his clothes, he then grabbed the folder, leaving without looking back.
Bang! The house resumed its silence.
Before I groggily fell asleep, I thought, everything had finally ended.
Three years of effort, it was all still in vain.