Edited by PohTahTvh
How many lies have you made up.
He An never imagined that Zheng Feiluan would ask such a question. He spent a very long moment recalling countless times the shape of Zheng Feiluan’s mouth, before finally understanding the stark suspicion implied in that question with much difficulty.
“No, I’m not lying!”
He An shook his head a few times, catching hold of Zheng Feiluan’s hand and placing it on his own wrist. Under the pale white skin, purplish-blue nerves could be seen criss-crossing; it was his pulse, pounding with his blood. “Take a look, this is my, my heartbeat. It has only been ten seconds, and my heart rate is already this quick. This shows that… I really do like you…”
Zheng Feiluan pulled his hand back, shaking it as though he had touched something dirty. He slid his hand into the pocket of his trousers and did not conceal any of his disgust from his actions in front of He An.
“Let me remind you about a general statement about biology.” Zheng Feiluan looked down at him and continued, “To improve the efficiency of reproduction, the attraction towards pheromones has always been a two-way thing. Even the most melodramatic soap operas no longer like to have scenes about infatuation, and painful, one-sided love anymore. You have a reaction, and I don’t; this is enough to show that there is a problem. As such, for me, the believability of this 100% perfect match is highly suspicious. Or, let’s speak more directly, this test report…”
He picked up the report on the table, thrusting it into He An’s face, “… is simply fabricated?”
“No!” He An was anxious, denying it loudly. He was so nervous that his voice even cracked. “Every number in it is true, no one has changed anything!”
But Zheng Feiluan did not believe him completely. “So how do you explain my complete lack of feelings towards you?”
He An fell silent.
He raised his head, looking up at his own Alpha, and for a long time, he remained quiet. Then, he slowly lowered his eyes. Reaching out with a trembling hand, he took over that report that still smelled like the hospital’s disinfectant. “Feiluan, if you could have feelings for me while you’re awake, even if it’s just a little, your mate-seeking disorder… wouldn’t have happened.”
Zheng Feiluan frowned deeply, “What do you mean?”
He An breathed in deeply, then exhaled slowly. His finger slid across the report, smoothing across the printed “100%”.
“You definitely wouldn’t believe this, but whenever you lose your consciousness, you would like me more than anybody else, just as though… as though if you had me, nothing else would ever be as important. When you saw me, you would immediately become exuberant; when you touch me, you would tremble very hard; when we were doing, you would be so very excited. You are someone who is extremely possessive. There was once you came over, and I happened to have a friend over, and he was an underaged Beta. Logically speaking, a mature Alpha shouldn’t have any enmity towards underaged Betas. However, you did not say a word, and just gave him a slap, and I had to apologise to him many, many times. But… but once we finished doing it, your temperament would turn gentle. You would cling to me the entire time, wanting me to coax you to sleep, like a child without a sense of security.”
He An smiled wryly, “You probably have no recollections of these matters, right? Even me, as a person, does not exist in your conscious memory.”
Zheng Feiluan did not respond, but turned to look outside the window.
He An continued, “Later on, I went to many hospitals, and sought many doctors. I asked them, there were so many Alphas in the world, why was my Alpha the only different one? Our compatibility was so high, but he refused to love me when he was fully conscious. I was standing there right in front of him, about two or three metres away. The sunlight shone upon me, and I could not be anymore obvious standing there; it was just as if he could not see me at all. The doctors said, this was because… subconsciously, my Alpha was rejecting me, and refusing to admit that he was attracted to me.”
He An’s voice started to shake. He held his cup, gulping down half of the hot cocoa within as though he was trying to chase the chill away. Having drank too fast, he started coughing violently.
Zheng Feiluan watched coldly from the sides, waiting for him to finish coughing.
Pressing his chest, He An recovered before speaking, “The doctors told me that because your subconscious was rejecting me, so your hypothalamus, or something else, was secreting some sort of inhibitory hormones. Your pheromones were blocked, suppressing your feelings and your desire. However, everyone needs an emotional outlet. Normal couples would live together, hugging, kissing, and balancing each other’s pheromones, but we didn’t. After a long period of time, your body was suppressed to its limits, and went beyond the control of reason. Your pheromones urged you to seek me, to have sex with me, until they were soothed.”
Once again, the culprit causing this loss of control was still the pheromones.
Zheng Feiluan recalled that Omega actor who betrayed him, his face darkening even further. He looked at He An from the corner of his eye. The youth had his head bowed, his body shivering tremendously, probably because he truly was upset. His fringe was swaying slightly, and ripples could be seen in his cup of cocoa.
He An said softly, “I asked the doctors, why would my Alpha subconsciously reject me. They said, there’s too few cases of this happening, and there’s too many possibilities. There might be something wrong with me, or it might be you… both our fault. If I want to get an answer, it’s best that we live together for a while. After we get to know and understand each other, we might be able to resolve this issue.”
Living together, accompanying each other, understanding each other, resolving the issue, then loving each other — it sounded natural and beautiful, but in reality, the success of this journey was shockingly low.
A year ago, after getting the guidance and encouragement from a doctor, He An started to study previous cases, wanting to find a way to wake Zheng Feiluan up. However, the deeper he went into his research, the truth only made him even more hopeless. Cases of mate-seeking disorders were very rare, and there were only about a dozen couples whose records existed, and none of the twelve couples had a happy ending.
Because every single Alpha refused to compromise with their Omegas.
Alphas were the dominant gender in the relationship, with a pride that refused to be thwarted, and an unbridled determination to exceed an Omega. The rejection and apathy they had established in their subconscious were impossible to reverse in reality. This meant that even though the poor Omegas had already handed out an olive branch, they would not even be able to gain a chance to repair their relationship.
As for what would happen to those unloved Omegas, what would happen to them after losing their Alphas, He An was clearer than anyone else about it.
The heavens never cherished good intentions, never bestowing beautiful treasures. It gave them a compatibility that others would envy, and yet, was also a trap, attaching with it an unknown gift. After opening it, if it was honey, they would enjoy a harmony that would last till the end of their lives. If it was poison, then they would forever be separated from the other, and miss out on a once in a lifetime blessing.
This was the case for He An. Unprepared, he opened the box, and with a rose in his hand, the sky fell down upon him.
Was he scared?
He actually was not that scared.
Zheng Feiluan’s reaction had long played out in his nightmares countless times. No matter how often He An relieved his sorrows, it was like an old chewing gum, losing its original flavour. However, he still did not dare to face it, afraid of seeing that pair of eyes who had gazed fervently at him, now only left with a sharp, loveless suspicion.
He An’s disposition was gentle. He was never competitive, never seeking to prevail over others. All he wanted to be was someone who lived in peace, and never worried about what was going to happen the next day.
Cheng Xiu had once complained about the unfairness, and spent an entire afternoon listing the pros and cons of their relationship, urging him to inform Zheng Feiluan of the truth. Hiding away in his shell, He An covered his eyes and tried to convince himself and others, “We’ll just wait a while more, just a little while more. Let me accompany him for a while more.”
Once their relationship was brought out to the open, Zheng Feiluan and him would come to an end — just like those unfortunate Alphas and Omegas.
But… it was not enough yet.
He had not loved him enough yet, he had not hate him enough yet. Falling into this all alone by himself, he could not forget the first time he met Zheng Feiluan. That rain, that umbrella, that path several metres long where they walked side by side, as well as his imagination where the minute possibility of them being able to continue their relationship existed.
“There’s no need for us to live together,” Zheng Feiluan spoke suddenly, interrupting his thoughts. “You’re not aware of the reason why my subconscious is rejecting you, but I am.”
He returned to his original position, his fingers interlaced with each other, with his chin resting on them. Staring at He An, he looked indifferent yet disdainful. “Mr. He, according to this report, your pheromones are a perfect match with mine. This is a rare advantage in seeking mates, but if you allow me to be direct, pheromones cannot represent everything. A person’s level of education, their worldview, their family background, their societal status… All these are far more important than pheromones. After considering every factor, I believe that you’ll agree as well that we’re completely unsuited for each other. To speak impolitely, there’s even a fair distance to overcome before we can even consider becoming partners.”
“The Omega that I’ll like needs to be passionate, well-spoken, ambitious, skilled in bed, and independent in other settings. They need to be able to accompany me in social functions, speak properly, comfortable in dealing with society, and has to be able to share enough common topics with me. It is very clear that you don’t meet any single one of the requirements. For my subconscious to reject you, it’s very natural.”
The judgement came from all directions, each and everyone of them piercing He An’s weaknesses, came from the Alpha that had been enchanted by his body last night.
He An gripped his scarf tightly, sweat dripping continuously down his palm. The back of his neck felt cold, and pain shot through the scar left by the bite on his gland.
Yes, how could he be worthy of the resplendent Zheng Feiluan?
He was only…
Only an Omega who could not be anymore ordinary.
Zheng Feiluan continued, “Compared to this sort of time and energy wasting cohabitation game, I much prefer another solution. We’ll cut off this indefinable relationship between us directly. What do you think?”
His irrefutable one-sided decree was posed as a question, and his bearing was proper and appropriate.
He An froze, asking with a trembling voice, “How are we going to cut it off?”
Zheng Feiluan replied, “According to my understanding, the mate-seeking disorder is a sort of severe addiction. Weighing the trade-offs, I believe the best treatment method is not to indulge it, but to abstain. The first step of abstinence is to isolate myself from the source of addiction, which is you. I need to get rid of everything to do with you, to clear it, to replace it, reset it, however you like to call it. In any case, we must return to the start, when we both did not know each other, and have nothing to do with each other.”
With how nature had inscribed obedience into Omegas, He An was unable to tell Zheng Feiluan, “No.”
He An sat there blankly, like a stiffly-jointed puppet, allowing the man across him to clearly and heartlessly speak to him. “Mr. He, I can understand your desire for having an Alpha. With your five digit serial number, and furthermore, starting with a 9, such a terrible innate predisposition, I’m afraid you’ve never been a relationship before, right? … Am I the first?”
He An looked wretched, but still, he nodded.
“I’m very honoured.”
Zheng Feiluan only said it casually, with no hint of joy in his eyes. There was not even an intent to disguise it. “I know, without me, you might never be able to meet a second Alpha who will fall for you in this life. However, I’m very sorry, I’m not the cause of your pain. I’m someone who believes in free will, and I don’t have the obligation to sacrifice my personal happiness to satisfy you. You just said that it’s best if we can live together, hugging, kissing, and balancing out our pheromones. If I didn’t understand that wrongly, what you were referring to is… a spousal relationship.”
Zheng Feiluan paused and laughed. “Mr. He, please allow me to remind you. There are too many Omegas who wish to marry into the Zheng family. Hoping for success, just because of your pheromones is a little comical.”
He An lowered his head, “It is… quite funny.”
His voice was stuck in his throat, obstructing his breathing, and He An could not make a sound. As though pricking his finger with a needle, squeezing as hard as he could, squeezing till he could not bear with the pain, he finally managed to produce that little drop of blood, that little section of words.
It felt like something was in his blood, swiftly turning it into ice, starting in his peripheral limbs. His temperature dropped, freezing, and his blood stagnated. The frozen ice turned to countless shards, pressing closer to his chest from all over, simultaneously piercing his heart.
In the eyes of his Alpha, he was this sort of unscrupulous, dirty liar.
A chewing gum that had been chewed hundreds of times, yet the bitterness was still there.
Zheng Feiluan asked for a pen and paper from the service staff. Tearing the paper in half, he wrote a string of words powerfully. While writing, he spoke, “Let’s draw up an agreement to abstain from each other, so as to prevent future disagreements. There are three main points of contention between the two of us. First, I know your address. Second, you have my mark on your body. Third, you have my child in your belly. Let’s clear up these points one by one, do you have any objections?”
He An wrenched his head up, his face pale like paper.
Did he hear wrongly?
More and more customers were gradually surrounding them. The cafe was rather noisy, with people making their orders, chatting, and even the cash register was loud. Through the glass, cars were driving past, and there were occasional blares of the horn. Pedestrians walked past the window, and their footsteps too resounded…
His surroundings were too noisy, overshadowing Zheng Feiluan’s voice.
So, He An thought, he definitely heard it wrongly.