Edited by: Planetes
Andrew froze for a long time, making Fang Zhaomu feel that he was seriously considering it.
He tightened his arms around Fang Zhaomu, just like he was treasuring him. A moment later, he said, “You should turn the lights on.”
“I won’t,” Fang Zhaomu said lazily. “If you want them on, you’ll turn them on yourself.”
Fang Zhaomu pressed onto Andrew’s shoulders and changed his position, straddling Andrew’s body. His hand slid down, but before he touched anything, it was caught by Andrew.
“Why are you so shy?” Fang Zhaomu was not embarrassed even after Andrew caught his hand. “I even came to look for you, but you keep putting me off. Do you not want it?”
“Fang Zhaomu.” Andrew suddenly called his full name.
Fang Zhaomu suddenly had an ominous feeling well up within him. He could not identify what it was, but soon, he no longer had the time to think about it.
After calling his name, Andrew did not continue. The two of them paused for a moment, then Fang Zhaomu clung onto Andrew’s shoulders and started kissing him again.
Fang Zhaomu sprawled across Andrew’s body, biting his lips. He was so warm that he could not take it, and removed his shirt before removing Andrew’s T-shirt as well.
Andrew’s heavy pants exhaled into Fang Zhaomu’s ear, acting like Fang Zhaomu’s aphrodisiac. He did not have any more mental capacity to think about anything else, and his entire body was screaming for him.
This time, when Fang Zhaomu touched Andrew’s hardening part, Andrew did not stop him. Fang Zhaomu undid Andrew’s belt, the drag of the buckle against the cloth sounding extremely loud, causing a quiver in Fang Zhaomu’s heart, and made his entire body tingle in anticipation.
Andrew’s hand was on Fang Zhaomu’s waist, tightening slowly. Fang Zhaomu released the belt and wrapped his arms around Andrew’s neck. “You’re not allowed to call my full name.”
Andrew then smoothly called, “Xiaomu.”
Fang Zhaomu pulled down Andrew’s underwear, putting a hand around him. When the hard and heated flesh rubbed against Fang Zhaomu’s palm, Fang Zhaomu was lifted up by Andrew and pressed down onto the bed.
Andrew took over from there, pushing Fang Zhaomu into the bed. Andrew’s hands were big, and his thumb was by Fang Zhaomu’s belly button and his fingers around Fang Zhaomu’s waist. He was very strong, roughly yet carefully caressing Fang Zhaomu, from his neck, his chest, his belly and to his hips.
Fang Zhaomu had lost possession of his mind already, and allowed Andrew to do whatever he wanted.
At the last moment, Andrew suddenly stopped.
“What happened?” Fang Zhaomu asked after his breathing somewhat calmed down.
Andrew did not say a word. He only let of Fang Zhaomu and sat up.
Fang Zhaomu was puzzled, and continued lying on the bed. He remained silent with Andrew, and his pounding heart gradually settled.
“Xiaomu, are you serious about this?” Andrew suddenly asked him.
Fang Zhaomu did not understand what Andrew meant. He paused before asking, “Serious about what?”
“Sex?” Fang Zhaomu thought about it, and did not wait for Andrew’s reply. “You don’t want to do it?”
“No, it’s not that.” Andrew groped around in the dark and found Fang Zhaomu’s shirt. Pulling Fang Zhaomu’s hand, he helped him sit up, and wrapped his shirt around him.
Andrew straightened Fang Zhaomu’s shirt, then lifted his hand to stroke Fang Zhaomu’s hair. After about three to five seconds, he leaned over and kissed Fang Zhaomu’s cheek before moving apart.
“I’ll turn on the lights.” Andrew said.
Song Yuanxun turned the lights on.
The lights in the hotel were dim. Fang Zhaomu reflexively shut his eyes, and when he opened them again, Song Yuanxun saw Fang Zhaomu’s face whitened.
There was not a huge change in Fang Zhaomu’s expression, only a complete absence of a smile, and his warmth turned into cold.
He did not immediately react, only staring at Song Yuanxun’s face composedly, and watched him emotionlessly for very long. His mouth moved a few times, and Song Yuanxun felt that he had something he wanted to say, but Fang Zhaomu never said it aloud.
Song Yuanxun was sitting near Fang Zhaomu, calmly yet worriedly waiting for his judgement.
Fang Zhaomu abruptly stood up. He looked at the bathroom on the right, walked into it and pulled the door close behind him. However, the door was not shut fully.
Not long after, Song Yuanxun heard Fang Zhaomu retching inside.
On the morning flight, Song Yuanxun had came up with countless possible reactions Fang Zhaomu might have.
He thought that he had already came up with the worst case scenario, but it was still not as awful as this.
After awhile, Fang Zhaomu walked to the door of the bathroom and shut the door properly. The sound of running water could be heard indistinctly, Fang Zhaomu was taking a shower.
He showered for very long, even longer than the amount of time he spent staring at Song Yuanxun.
Fang Zhaomu only came out at 6pm, and his clothes were very neat. When he pulled the door open, the humid air from the bathroom rushed out. Fang Zhaomu’s lips were very red. He did not look like he had cried, and it was probably because of his vomiting that caused his eyes to be red.
Song Yuanxun was watching Fang Zhaomu, but Fang Zhaomu did not look at him. Fang Zhaomu picked up the coat that was tossed to the ground during their shared passion and put it on, buttoning it up tightly.
“I’ll go first.” Fang Zhaomu said, his head bowed, and he did not ask anything more.
This time, nothing could be sensed from him.
Song Yuanxun looked at Fang Zhaomu. Fang Zhaomu’s exposed skin was red with his washing, and his knuckles seemed to be grazed.
“Have you booked a ticket?” Song Yuanxun asked him.
“I’ll book it on the way.”
“Xiaomu—” Song Yuanxun had just called his name, only to be cut off by Fang Zhaomu.
“— You should just call me by my full name.” Fang Zhaomu seemed like he did not want to say a word to Song Yuanxun. He wore his shoes, and quickly walked to the door.
He had brought a luggage that was left by the door, and it seemed like he was really prepared to spend a few days with Andrew in Seattle. Before coming, he had spent three hours packing his luggage, but he had only stayed in Seattle for less than three hours before he was going back.
Song Yuanxun could not help but run forward and pull onto Fang Zhaomu. Fang Zhaomu shrank and pushed Song Yuanxun away. He gripped the handle of his luggage tightly, and Song Yuanxun realised that Fang Zhaomu’s hand was trembling.
Fang Zhaomu’s entire body was trembling.
Song Yuanxun felt that Fang Zhaomu was unable to return alone in this state. He reached out and wrapped his fingers around Fang Zhaomu’s wrist. “I’ll send you there.”
“No need, let go.” Fang Zhaomu pushed at Song Yuanxun a couple of times, but failed to push him away, and so he raised his head.
Fang Zhaomu’s eyes were finally filled with tears, and his voice had turned very hoarse. It seemed like he was no longer able to suppress his emotions, and neither did he want to suppress them anymore.
Song Yuanxun did not let go. Fang Zhaomu must not leave his sight. He was afraid that something would happen to Fang Zhaomu.
“Leave me alone.” Fang Zhaomu had his back against the wall, and gave up struggling, pleading softly with Song Yuanxun.
“Leave me alone.” Fang Zhaomu repeated.
His tears fell onto Song Yuanxun’s hand, and slid down.
Song Yuanxun had seen people cry before. Having lived for so many years, how was it possible that he had never seen anyone cry?
However, Song Yuanxun had never knew why people would cry. He thought that crying was the most useless thing to do. If there was a problem, then they should think of a solution. Crying was weak and powerless, useless and redundant.
So it turned out it was not.
Fang Zhaomu cried, because he was sad, because he was regretful.
Out of the thousands of methods to make friends, Song Yuanxun had used the worst one; Out of the thousands of people who wanted to be friends with Fang Zhaomu, Song Yuanxun was the worst one.
Just now, Fang Zhaomu had said that Song Yuanxun had made turning on the lights feel as though they were about to be parted forever. Song Yuanxun felt that even parting forever might be better than this.
There was no way to return from death, and whoever who met with that situation could only accept it.
However, before the lights came on, Song Yuanxun could still live in his illusions, he could still dream.
Fang Zhaomu’s tears and resistance were like rocks following an avalanche, coming down one after another. After flattening all of Song Yuanxun’s luck, his unrealistic hopes, Fang Zhaomu would leave.