Bottom Lu returned to the administration office after class, his upper body laid on the desk, a black air of depression around his head.
“Little Lu, did you die of excessive ejaculation?” Bottom Lu’s good friend cum colleague the physical education coach Teacher Yang immediately drew countless eyes for Bottom Lu once he entered the door using his loud voice.
The head of department used an index finger to push his spectacles, as he earnestly said: “Little Lu, young people should still practice in moderation.”
“No, Head, don’t listen to this bear chattering. I just couldn’t sleep properly at the present and felt a bit depressed. How about, I take a few days off to catch up?”
The department head’s thousand-degree spectacles glimmered with a cold light, “Do you want some blood supplements?”
Once Bottom Lu heard it, he politely declined. The department head’s ‘blood supplements’ was either taking the advanced-level teacher’s certification exam or taking the top-level teacher’s certification exam, that was a ‘life supplement’.
Raising an eye to the clock, it was an interval between lessons to replenish stamina, so Bottom Lu leapt up, and pulled Teacher Yang towards the canteen.
When it came to manly hugs the bear-like Teacher Yang would not hold back, his one-eighty body pressing entirely on the one-seventy Bottom Lu. This could not be described with any kind words like ‘loving’ ‘warm’, in truth, Bottom Lu wanted to get rid of Teacher Yang’s elbows. Being dragged along, it felt like his neck would be broken.
“Your father1 tells you to let go. My neck’s almost broken.” Bottom Lu massaged his swollen neck, flicking a mothball at Teacher Yang.
Yet this slutty Teacher Yang showed no repentance, pushing to before Bottom Lu before giving a sultry voice: “Honestly Little Lu, are you sexually dissatisfied?”
“Who’s fucking dissatisfied?” With a howl, Bottom Lu invited countless stares.
Teacher Yang almost cried at this idiot’s stupidity, “Can you speak softer? As if you’re afraid that everyone don’t know that you’re on the bottom. Don’t implicate me in letting others know, I’m a man with a goddess.”
“Peh! As if a slut like you can chase Teacher Li, if so you can cut off my head.”
“Eh, why would I want your head. When the time comes you can get your Old Qin to show his face at our wedding, our face would increase. If you must know, your future sister-in-law is a big fan of your Old Qin.”
“If I wanted shame, I wouldn’t have a wife. Without a wife shame isn’t worth a damn thing, it can’t compare even to my right hand. Eh? Speaking of which, your Old Qin has already run over to the next-door city to film for almost a month already, don’t you miss him?”
“Why would I, I’m just irritated by his daily calls, each call lasting one hour. What a bother.”
Teacher Yang gasped in shock, feeling a hole punch through his heart, chilling to the heart. This inexplicable scattering of dog food2, truly cannot be prevented.
“Eh! What does that look mean? Do you think I’m that lacking in virtue, that I’ll find and torture a single dog who’s remained single for all twenty-seven years of his life, whose darlings are forever your hands?”
Teacher Yang comforted himself that this idiot was a stupid tsundere and irascible dumbass. In the end, he gave a firm snort, serves you right to be a bottom!
Bottom Lu gave a sidelong glance to Teacher Yang, and with a look knew that this bear was secretly scolding him. He was too lazy to bicker about it, nor did he have the mood to bicker.
How could he say it?
He still had to find a reason from his Old Qin.
Did you think that Bottom Lu’s description of his daily calls was true? Could Old Qin truly be so lovey-dovey? How could he, it’s not like the signal on set came on time every day.
Just once every two days.
And the content of each call was nothing like flirting, or emotions between top and bottom, or words of love in a romantic setting tangling with each other, it was a completely unappealing spousal check-up.
That vinegar jar3 Old Qin was purely guarding against this irascible tsundere Bottom Lu from having an affair, he did not even consider that besides that blind Xiang Xu could anyone admire this idiot.
Although on a certain year, month, day and time, Old Qin himself was blind enough to admire this idiot.
Bottom Lu may always claim annoyance when Old Qin called to check up on this and that, and irritation was always in his tone when he replied. But note that this idiot was also a hypocrite.
He might say he did not want it, yet his body was honest. His hand clamped on the fixed phone terminal and placed it to his ear and he would not take it off even though it ached him to death, and his cell-phone never left his side at all, let alone put it on silent mode. It was also constantly on and charged, and his attention was constantly on the lookout for the ringtone.
Yet for the past week, Bottom Lu’s Old Qin had sent neither call nor message, and all the news about him came from movements on Weibo. Small wonder then Bottom Lu was as dissatisfied as a housewife in the bedroom.
He did not know if Old Qin had found his second spring in the neighbouring city, or if he had had a change of heart. Everyone kept going on about long-distance relationships, and absence making the heart go yonder.
He and Old Qin were separated by a city, a distance of numerous districts, and thus could be considered long-distance. Not to mention, they had already been separated for a month.
And, Old Qin had not called him for a week already.
Just thinking about this, Bottom Lu’s expression turned bitter, and weepy.
He looked so terrible that Teacher Yang’s heart broke: “Little Lu, did you get divorced?”
“Peh! Can you even speak properly? You’re the one who was divorced! You deserve it.” Bottom Lu imploded.
Teacher Yang shrugged: “If I could be divorced that would be nice.”
Right then, two female students passed by, gossiping fervently between themselves.
“Did you hear? The Golden Globe Best Actor Qin Yi is suspected to be having a romantic relationship with the Best Actress Jin Yuying, there’s a picture and all!”
“What! How could that old woman Jin Yuying match up to the movie emperor4 Qin? If we’re making a match it should be the public’s sweetheart Wang Qi, those paparazzi constantly act on hearsay, always reporting fake news.”
“What do you mean? That slutty Wang only knows how to flirt and pout and clearly tied herself to Emperor Qin to make the front page, our Yuying is different. She has looks and acting talent, she’s a confirmed match for Emperor Qin yeah?”
“Che, no matter her looks and acting talent she’s still an old woman.”
“She’s definitely stronger than slutty Wang’s silicone-filled face.”
“Our sweetheart’s face is completely original!”
“Our Yuying is still young! Still full of collagen…”
As the two students left, their argument shifted completely off course, and in the end were simply contesting the good points of both female stars. And Bottom Lu hung his head, such that Teacher Yang could not see his face.
Suddenly Bottom Lu pulled out his cell phone from his pocket to open Weibo and checked the front page. Sure enough, he saw a photograph of Old Qin and the Best Actress in an intimate position.
Ever since Bottom Lu opened his phone he had been struck dumb, motionless, and seemed very pitiful and sad.
Teacher Yang’s heart soured, and he pulled a corner of Bottom Lu’s clothes, as he cautiously spoke: “Little Lu, will you cry? If you are it’s better to go back to the office first. Or, let’s go. It’s somewhat awkward―”
“Who’s crying?” Bottom Lu looked up, and questioned.
Teacher Yang swallowed, and he took a step, trembling in fear as he exhorted with kind words: “Little Lu~ don’t, don’t be rash, rashness is the devil~ Ah!”
Suddenly Bottom Lu seized Teacher Yang’s forearm with both hands, and spoke darkly, covered in a murderous aura: “Help me take leave!”
“What’re you gonna do?”
“I’m gonna castrate the third party fooling with Old Qin!”
Watching Bottom Lu bustle away from behind, Teacher Yang muttered in bewilderment: “But the third party is female there’s no way to castrate…”
Once Bottom Lu escaped the school, he made a beeline for the train station, buying a ticket for the next city to head straight for it. In the meantime, the Department Head had already called once, which once Bottom Lu picked up the call, then proceeded to blow up in fury.
Fortunately, Bottom Lu had no classes for the rest of the day, and tomorrow he only had two classes from three to four o’clock in the afternoon. Thus, the department head did not proceed to hunt him down.
Bottom Lu did not even bring extra clothes or money, and the only pocket change he had had was dedicated to the train station. He could use Alipay, but the problem was that he was a profligate spender, and thus Old Qin would still monitor him. Bottom Lu thus only had his monthly teacher’s wages, half of which was contributed to the home loan, and the other half went to Taobao, or occasionally JD5.
Thus, now he was squatting in silence by a short pillar outside the neighbouring city’s train station, leaving the taxi drivers by him to try and trick him onboard with their silver tongues.
Bottom Lu remained silent and unmoving.
There was a driver who was as-yet undefeated and proud of it who sensed that a breakthrough was coming, and had actually rejected another prospective passenger who seemed very moved by his speech, to accompany Bottom Lu to spit foam for an hour.
Bottom Lu gave a sigh, he did not want to make a call to Old Qin, once he did so it meant that he could not catch the adulterous couple in the act. If he could not it was tantamount to losing, and once that happened, he could not get any advantages.
Move first to gain an opening!
Bottom Lu’s eyes sparkled, and he leapt off the stone pillar.
The driver’s eyes lit up, the green in his face turning red and lustrous. “I’m not self-praising young man, with my skills I have crossed this city unhindered for twenty years, and no one else has even been able to match up to my smooth and silent driving skill ―”
“I don’t have money,” Bottom Lu indifferently cut off.
The taxi driver choked on a breath, unable to swallow or expel, such that ‘in pain’ was an understatement.
“But once I reach my destination there’s someone who would pay.”
The taxi driver gasped, today he had indeed gone through a roller-coaster of emotions.
Hurrying to Old Qin’s filming set, Bottom Lu chose the mid-film break to call Old Qin. His tone was very arrogant, merely saying ‘come out to pay’ before he hung up.
It made him look aloof and grand and tsundere.
Old Qin was dumbfounded for a moment, thinking for a moment that his dearly beloved had finally thought about carrying out his duty as a bottom to come visit and indulge in public displays of affection, thus he had hurried out.
Yet he was called out to pay the bills.
Fortunately, Old Qin has the conscience of an outstanding and excellent top, turning into an ATM at any moment, in preparation for any want or need from his bottom.
After paying, Old Qin pulled Bottom Lu to enter his personal lounge.
Yet Bottom Lu was in a snit, finding a chance to act up. How could he let the other succeed?
With hands he howled like a shrew: “Old Qin, let’s divorce!”
Old Qin frowned, knowing in his heart that Bottom Lu was acting up again. He was not afraid of Bottom Lu’s tantrums either, since every time Bottom Lu finished, he would have an excuse to indulge in all sorts of bedroom play with Bottom Lu. “Reason.”
“You’re cheating!” Bottom Lu proclaimed in denouncement.
Bottom Lu spoke with an expression that clearly said you slag: “Don’t pretend, I saw it.”
Bottom Lu held up the photo from Weibo’s front page before Old Qin, tiptoeing as he spoke in anger: “Are you going to deny it?”
Old Qin’s expression turned strange, as he said: “Isn’t this woman Jin Yuying?”
“Why are we talking about her? Did you think I don’t know that she likes that repressed assistant of hers? Did you think I would be fooled by you?”
“So why don’t you tell me who’s the cheating party?”
“Hmph! Here.” Bottom Lu pointed at another woman in the picture, who could be said to be so inconspicuous as to almost be a passer-by.
That person……. Old Qin studied it, and then realised that it was the third supporting actress in the cast, named Xia Xiaojing.
Old Qin did not know what to say, “I remember that we have not even made contact at all.”
“Hmph! You don’t get it? This is making a gradual change, substituting one thing for another, grafting flowers on a tree, replacing the original with a fake6!”
Old Qin picked at his costume, and replied in a business-like manner: “That day was the cast having dinner together, and it was taken by coincidence.”
“You can leave this reason to fool ghosts. Anyway whatever long-distance relationship ends up separating couples, might as well divorce.”
“Oh, there’s a snack street known throughout the whole city here, do you want to eat?”
“Yes!” Bottom Lu’s eyes turned into stars, looking up like a kitten.
“You have money?”
“Don’t I have you?”
“Oh. We’ve divorced, unrelated to one another in any way. Forget it.” Old Qin turned and was about to leave.
Bottom Lu was anxious now. Did you really think he believed that Old Qin was cheating, he was just planning to use this reason to get Old Qin to agree to let him eat as much as he likes, and make a sweep of the snack street.
Although Bottom Lu could secretly sweep the snack street himself, the issue was that Old Qin was like a special agent, able to catch him every time, and once caught there would come all kinds of strange bedroom play.
Bottom Lu truly had lingering fears from various plays, both loving and hating it. The issue was that this idiot kept rushing onto the path of courting disaster, and had completely missed out that all the divorce plots he came up with to openly lead a carefree life had become excuses for Old Qin to realise all kinds of strange bedroom plays.
Bottom Lu pulled on Old Qin’s forearm and did not let him escape, “Old Qin Old Qin, I was joking. Let’s eat, let’s eat.”
“Who said so? Which scoundrel said it?”
Old Qin slowly gave an evil lewd smirk, leaning by Bottom Lu’s ear to whisper a bedroom game he had been itching to try out.
Bottom Lu’s face twisted, and gave a slow reluctant nod.
Bottom Lu thought: In the past he would agree once I asked, now he has his own demands when I ask. Sure enough compared to long-distance relationships might as well divorce.
However, it was better to go for divorce after eating his fill.