Edited by Isalee
Gu Yiliang patted my shoulder and smiled, “Xiaowei hasn’t had his dinner yet. We’ll let him have a sandwich, and I’ll interact with you all first. Do you have any questions for me?”
H-he patted my shoulder? Xi–Xiaowei?
I descended into a whole new state of confusion.
Before entering this room for the livestream, I was still worried that with Gu Yiliang’s integrity as a professional actor, he would disapprove of using fanservice as a form of publicity.
It seemed like I had worried too much.
He clearly had a completely different understanding of the bromance our company had requested. It was at odds with mine.
Goodbye, the deep exchanges of looks I had imagined the Niangzi Army would capture.
Goodbye, the ambiguous flirtations I had imagined the Niangzi Army would record.
Goodbye, the intimate gifs I had imagined the Niangzi Army would edit.
Why is it that when I didn’t need you to spread the love, you scattered it about like a fairy scattering petals? And now when I need you to spread the love, why did you slam on the emergency brakes instead?
Gu Yiliang, give me back my sweet sweet nourishment for my mind!
“Slow down a little, I can’t see the questions.” Under my weepy and pathetic gaze, he reached out and tapped on the comments.
“Do you have a beauty filter on?”
“—We do, would you like us to switch it off?”
He did not even wait for a response and switched the filter off straight away. Studying himself in the screen, he said, “There’s not a very big difference.”
Ah, I could only watch as the situation slipped further and further out of my control.
In the comments section, there were compliments and laughter. He scanned through it, reading aloud, “… Your lip colour is really very nice. What colour lip balm are you using?”
My heart froze. We’re doomed.
“Lip balms have colour? I thought only lipstick had colour? I didn’t ask the stylist…” He rubbed his own lips before looking at the back of his hand. “It’s clear, so it should be called transparent colour?”
Hey, wake up! How is there a transparent colour?!
By the time I finished the entire sandwich with much difficulty, the entire situation was out of control.
Gu Yiliang brought the role of a silly straight man to life with a vivacious performance. With him serving as a foil, a few anti-remarks like “Wei Yanzi looks very sissy sitting next to Gu Yiliang,” appeared in the comments section.
Fuck my life.
Wasn’t it just a competition to see who was more heterosexual? As a real-life, genuine straight man, could I even lose?!
I scrunched the sandwich packaging into a ball. In front of the camera, I tossed it accurately into the trash can in the corner of the room as though I was shooting a basketball. With two fists raised up and my elbows tucked in, I gave a victory sign, implying that I had scored! Comments saying “GG” flooded the screen, and Gu Yiliang clapped cooperatively. I threw a fist at his shoulder and said, “I’m full now, thanks bro.”
He snickered, then leant forward with his arms resting on his thighs. It was the model pose of a straight man watching a game. “Come, let’s respond to the comments.”
I spread my knees apart, casually brushing my hair backwards and boldly leaned back against the couch. “Sure.”
Other people performed fanservice on their livestreams, while here we were acting as straight as possible. This must be a first in the entertainment industry, and we were pioneers of this unprecedented grand occasion.
Comment: “I’m enduring my bad flu to watch this livestream!!! Wuwuwu so handsome I’m dead please look at me, look at me!!!”
Gu Yiliang: “Drink more warm water, it soothes the throat.”
Me: “Open the windows, allow fresh air to come in.”
Comment: “Interact interact please interact. What songs have you two been listening to recently please recommend please please please!!!”
Gu Yiliang: “Mr. Yan Weiwen’s songs. They’re pure and wholesome.”
Me: “Mr. Jiang Dawei’s songs. They’re beautiful and graceful.”
Comment: “Chest butt legs choose one choose one heeheeheeheehee (this question isn’t too much right”
Gu Yiliang: “Legs. They must be long.”
Me: “Legs. They must be straight.”
Comment: “Do the two of you like to play video games what do you normally play?!! Otaku-meimei is askingggggg Kings of Glory DOTA LOL PUBG do you know how to playyyy I want to watch you guys stream!!!”
Gu Yiliang: “I do. The King of Fighters. I’m at 5000 MMR in DOTA, but streaming depends on him.”
Me: “I do. Street Fighter. I’m a Grandmaster in LOL, and I welcome all challenges.”
Comment: “Wuwuwuwu my son’s skin still looks so good without a beauty filter how do you maintain it what skincare do you use come teach mama!!”
Gu Yiliang: “Dabao Honey SOD.”
Me: “Johnson’s Baby Lotion.”
Comment: “Flip my card! Flip me flip me!! What do the two of you do in your free time what interests do you have outside of work?! Would you go shop travel or watch movies?!! Wuwuwuwu how I wish I could bump into you!!”
Gu Yiliang: “Jogging.”
Comment: “Fark I’m late oh my dear what’s going on is our CP answering 100 couple questions????”
Gu Yiliang: “?”
I swiftly scrolled away from this comment.
Gu Yiliang laughed as he poked my biceps. “You lift weights?”
I shot him a disdainful look. “Why don’t I try lifting you up?”
He nodded, “Sure. Don’t drop me, all right?”
I watched blankly as Gu Yiliang pulled me up. He then leaned into the crook of my arms. “Give it a try, we’ll bet on supper.”
No, listen to me, I was only answering the question casually!
Gu Yiliang, what exactly is going on with you?! Are you trying to kill me?!
The fans watching the livestream did not think it was a big deal. They all cheered and commented, and Gu Yiliang’s eyes curved up with his smile. Howls and yells appeared in the comments.
This affected my dignity as a man. A whole crowd of people was watching the livestream.
Lift, I’ll lift! Gnashing my teeth secretly, I smiled composedly. I bent down and placed an arm under his knees. Then I exerted the strength from my arms—
—And tumbled back onto the couch with him.
He had a hand on the backrest of the couch right next to my face, supporting himself in time. With his head tucked in, he could not stop laughing.
This position was too intimate. The lower half of his body was pressed right against mine, and the faint scent of his cologne weaved around me. I looked at his eyelashes that were fluttering along with his laughter, and my heart pounded erratically, which was completely out of my control.
He looked up and gazed into my eyes, barely managing to stop laughing. “You owe me supper, remember to write that in the books.”
His eyes that were filled with laughter were too beautiful and too bright that I forgot to breathe for a moment.
I seemed to have forgotten something else as well.
The livestream was still ongoing oh my fucking god!!!!!
A little bonus from the audiodrama: