Seeing that Gu Xiaoshan did not reply, Renzi also could not keep “harassing” him. Off he went to the KTV, and selected <Home Again Without You>.
It might have been due to the summoning of the song, that night, Gu Xiaoshan finally returned home.
Gu Xiaoshan opened the door to hear the pattering of feet running towards him. For a moment, he thought Ha-cube had come over, but after a look, it was Renzi who was scuttling over with a wagging tail just like Ha-cube. Recalling Ha-cube’s foolish look, Gu Xiaoshan teased, “You’re only missing the slippers in your mouth and it’ll be perfect.”
In the end, the straightforward Renzi really opened the shoe cabinet and brought him his slippers. Of course he did not bring them over with his mouth, but with his hands. Still, it surprised Gu Xiaoshan. He quickly took the slippers over, probably afraid that Renzi would really hold them in his mouth. He had always thought that he understood Renzi very well, but after the incident with He Jun, he was no longer as sure.
While changing into his slippers, Gu Xiaoshan spoke to Renzi. “Have you had your dinner, silly?”
Renzi shook his head. “I was waiting for you… to cook dinner for me.”
When he heard the first half of the sentence, Gu Xiaoshan was rather moved by it, but when Renzi continued, there was nothing he could say.
“I’ve already ate before I came home, I’ll order delivery for you then.”
Renzi could smell the alcohol and cigarette smoke from Gu Xiaoshan, and guessed that he had come back from drinking with some business partners. His heart ached a little over how Gu Xiaoshan was so busy with his work. “No need, I’ll just have cereal.”
“That won’t work. You don’t know how to use the dishwasher, are you planning on throwing the dishes away again once you’re done?”
Feeling guilty, he replied hesitantly. “W-why didn’t you employ a housekeeper?”
“I don’t stay here often, if I employ a housekeeper, doesn’t it mean I’m paying for her to stay in a luxury apartment? Am I that stupid?”
Renzi could only agree silently.
“There’ll be a part-time cleaner coming over daily to do the housework. If you don’t know how to wash the dishes, just leave them in the sink. She’ll handle it.” Gu Xiaoshan said with a smile.
Faltering, Renzi nodded. Gu Xiaoshan headed up the spiral staircase, and Renzi followed behind him. “Where are you going?”
Gu Xiaoshan tossed him a reply. “I’m going to take a shower, just play by yourself.” Then, leaving Renzi behind, he headed upstairs.
Done with his bath, Gu Xiaoshan dressed in his leisure wear and went back downstairs, only to see Renzi still piteously staring after him. Gu Xiaoshan knew that he clearly had done nothing, but for some reason, Renzi still looked as though he was bullied. It might be due to Renzi’s thick eyelashes, and with his slightly downturned almond eyes, he looked just like a puppy. When he was not smiling, he looked a little mournful, and so he seemed very pitiful.
Gu Xiaoshan was rather helpless towards him. “What happened, silly?”
Renzi did not beat around the bush. “First, I’m not a silly…”
The corners of Gu Xiaoshan twitched, but he managed to hold back his objection. Seeing that Gu Xiaoshan had acquiesced, Renzi continued. “Second, why were you ignoring me the past few days?”
Gu Xiaoshan could not suppress a chuckle this time. Seeing his reaction, Renzi was annoyed. “What are you laughing at! I’m talking to you seriously!”
With a laugh, Gu Xiaoshan replied, “No, it’s just that your actions are very similar to those irritating clingy girlfriends.”
Oh, Brother Xiaoshan thinks I’m irritating now. Renzi’s mouth drooped.
Gu Xiaoshan spread his palms, “Didn’t I only just not reply your messages? You often don’t reply my messages as well.”
Renzi wanted to counter, “When have I never replied?” However, he suddenly recalled, after his graduation, and before the change in his sexual orientation, although he was very close with Gu Xiaoshan, but they also did not meet and contact each other daily. Their replies to each other were also on and off, and not replying a message was not a big deal.
Gu Xiaoshan continued, “It’s really strange for you to want to argue with me over this matter.”
Renzi hurriedly clarified, to show that he was neither strange nor irritating. “No, no it’s not like this… Maybe it’s because I’m afraid that you…”
“Afraid that I would what?”
Renzi scratched his head. “I’m afraid that after you know that I’m gay… Yeah, that you’ll look down on me.”
Gu Xiaoshan had to give it to him. “Why would you think that way?”
A little anxious, Renzi could not remain still on the sofa. He fidgeted, and finally sat cross-legged, but unconsciously, his body kept rocking slightly. “I… I also don’t know. I can’t explain it… But I feel that once you know I’m gay, you won’t be happy about it.”
Hearing that, Gu Xiaoshan was rather astounded, and remained silent for a few seconds. These few seconds were torturous for Renzi, he could not wait for reply and quickly broke the silence. “It might just be my misconception, but I did feel that you’re not very happy about it. As such, I kept “harassing” you, and you really ignored me, which made me panic even more.”
Gu Xiaoshan nodded. “Yes, I am somewhat unhappy about it. You’re not dumb like I expected.” With this “not dumb”, in Renzi’s brain, it turned into Gu Xiaoshan complimenting him for being clever. He was pretty satisfied by it, “Of course I’m not dumb. You think you can hide it from me? So, you’re looking down on me, right?”
Gu Xiaoshan replied helplessly. “Ignoring the fact that you’re my friend, and just by the fact that I’m also gay, why would I ever look down on you?”
“Then, why are you unhappy about it?”
Gu Xiaoshan wanted to understand it himself. He thought for a moment, before replying, “I guess, it might be because you first came out of the closet to others. Ah, it’s ok if you told your dad about it… But the thing that made me the angriest was that even He Jun knew about it before I did.”
Renzi immediately felt guilty over it. “Actually, I really wanted to tell you, but I didn’t get a chance…”
“It’s fine. So, the last time you left my place and went home, only to get beaten by your dad, and then fell sick and lost your appetite, it was over this matter, right? The troubles you mentioned was this?”
Renzi gave a firm nod, admitting to it. “Yes, at that time, my dad was pretty angry about it, but after seeing how troubled I was, his heart ached, and so he supported me.”
Gu Xiaoshan spoke up after a moment of silence. “Yeah, Uncle is a loving father.”
Gu Xiaoshan’s journey of coming out was not so smooth. Because of his coming out, he was engaged in a cold war with his father for a few years. Only after wrenching over the control of the company, then did his father acknowledge him. However, having grown up in a family environment where his snacks, toys and allowance were calculated accordingly to his performance appraisal, Gu Xiaoshan was not very bothered by this. He was already very used to using such “game theory” to interact with his father. Truthfully, this was also the method Gu Xiaoshan used to interact with this world.
Registering that Gu Xiaoshan’s spirits had became a little low, Renzi thought that it was his fault. His brows creased, and he apologised to Gu Xiaoshan. “I was completely in the wrong about this matter! I also wanted you to be the first one to know! However, that day, after arguing with my dad, I blurted it out. Also, I didn’t tell He Jun anything! I don’t know how he found out about it. I don’t know how that happened!”
Hearing Renzi’s clumsy explanation, Gu Xiaoshan laughed in relief. “You’re always like that! You can’t be blamed for it.”
Then, Gu Xiaoshan seemed to have gotten rid of those messy emotions, and regained his rationality. “However, why would your sexual orientation suddenly change? Are you sure about it?”
Renzi gnashed his teeth, “My dad also asked me the same thing. After I discussed it with him, he also understood it. I know, I’ve done many things showing how unreliable I am, but with regards to this, I’ve really thought it through. The reason all my past relationships have failed is because I didn’t know that I actually like men!”
His words sounded very bizarre, but Gu Xiaoshan accepted this ridiculous explanation, probably because Renzi was a ridiculous person.
Gu Xiaoshan nodded. “It’s fine as long as you’ve thought about it properly — but it’s also fine if you got it wrong. At most, just change back. You have a charmed life, your error-tolerant rate is high enough.”
Renzi was confused. “What error… What tolerant…”
Gu Xiaoshan smiled, and decided to explain it to him in layman terms. “You’re Yu Yunren, you can be more wilful than most.”