I’ve been standing here for a long time.
The room is so small that it seems to have only one window shining from above. Even that light, it seems so sparse as though it came through the cracks. It makes me feel stuffy. Having been locked and entangled by a thousand iron chains, I can only watch and listen.
It’s that familiar sound of the door opening again.
I think he’s back.
He has imprisoned me for so long that I cannot remember the time at all.
In fact, I can’t remember when was the last time I saw the sun or the moon. Maybe it’s been a day, or only half a day? You know, when people are suffering, they always have the illusion that time passes very slowly.
Oh, yes, it’s called relativity.
Opening the window, he looks down at me. I think he’s very near me, probably because the basement is so low that I can almost touch the ceiling. Of course, I can’t, because I’ve been tied up by him.
He’s very handsome. If Xiao Ru saw him, she might scream and make a fool of herself.
Who is Xiao Ru?
I think she’s my girlfriend.
Even if she’s not my girlfriend, she must be a girl who chasing me. I’m so handsome, there’s bound to be someone chasing me. You see, isn’t there a pervert stalker who tied me up here?
I’d like to open my mouth and tell this pervert, oh yes, he’s handsome, so he’s a handsome pervert: although you’re a man, if you can release me after fucking me once, because you’re only a little uglier than me, I’ll just feel a little aggrieved and treat it as though I was bitten by a dog.
But I can’t open my mouth.
This pervert is so extreme, my mouth has been sealed by something. Although it’s too dark for me to see clearly, I guess it’s a very sticky strong glue.
As I’m struggling, a drop of water suddenly fell from the small window above.
The pervert is crying again.
I really want to tell him, ignoring the fact that you’re handsome, as a man, don’t cry all day like a girl. You know, your tears are like sulphuric acid, hitting me like a fireball. Any more drops, I guess I won’t starve to death but be disgusted to death by you.
“Cheng Kuang, Cheng Kuang…”
The handsome pervert is calling my name “affectionately” again.
I understand that this pervert probably thinks that with a few more calls, calling a little more feelingly, I would be inexplicably moved, and then like him.
Not to mention it, I think that if Xiao Ru was the one tied up here, maybe by now she would have given herself up to the pervert already.
A weeping expression on an ugly man would really be inelegant, but at this time I cannot help but feel like that superficial Xiao Ru, feel that…
This guy is still pretty handsome even when he cries.
He keeps crying, every time he sees me he would cry, sometimes when he finally stops crying, he would still stare at me with his red eyes, as if he’ll like to swallow me whole.
Perhaps the feeling of being stared at by a pervert is too creepy. I never feel hungry or thirsty. Maybe he secretly put me on a glucose drip, and when I’m asleep, he’ll bring me to the toi… let.
I’m a black belt in Taekwondo. If I take action, it’s likely that the handsome pervert will have to surrender.
“Cheng Kuang, today is your birthday. What gift do you want?” The handsome pervert seems to be in a good mood today. It seems that he has set his hairstyle with hairspray, and he looks even more handsome.
I’d like to tell him, let me out, and I’ll forgive you, this pervert.
But Brother Pervert only speaks to himself, “You like cakes, so I’ll light a candle for you, ok?”
I’m so frightened that my scalp is numb.
In order to maintain my image as a tough man, I haven’t touched any dessert since I went to college. Even Li Zhang, my roommate, doesn’t know that I like cakes, but this perverted stalker knows that?!
Oh yeah, he’s a perverted stalker. Maybe he even knows how many moles I have on my ass.
“Uhh… I’ll slide my finger down your butt crack, and I’ll lick that black mole on your right buttock with my tongue.”
This pervert really fucking knows how many moles I have on my ass!
The handsome pervert’s face is now very red, his breathing is very rough, he keeps panting, and his body is trembling. My eyes are wide open. When a white liquid flowed through the window and a few drops spilled on me, I had no idea whether I was angry or shy until I could not think.
“Sorry, I’m sorry, I’ve dirtied you.”
The pervert’s fingers are very cold, and he keeps rubbing at the disgusting liquid that had spilled on me. I watch his slender fingers that have been stained by his own drops, Inexplicably, I have a desire to go up and lick.
I’ve been locked up for so long that I’ve turned into a pervert!
“Cheng Kuang, do you want to fuck me?”
The pervert’s words have creeped me out again, even that little and inexplicable desire in my heart has disappeared completely.
Brother Pervert, it’s really the first time I’ve ever seen a man begging to be fucked like you always do!
“Although you don’t say it, but I always known that you miss me. Come on, come fuck me.” The more Brother Pervert says, the more excited he becomes, but within a few words he returns to crying, “Come fuck me! Quickly, come fuck me! Now, whatever you want, just do it, I won’t force you anymore. Please, fuck me ok? Please, please I’m begging you…”
The sobbing chokes makes Brother Pervert unable to speak.
He keeps crying, and even his handsome face looks haggard and pale.
In addition to my shock, I just noticed that the cheeks of Brother Pervert seem to be much thinner than when I first met him. His whole cheeks have shrunk and his eyes are bulging slightly. Perhaps because of his mixed blood, this handsome face like a superstar, angular and handsome, even now, still look like a decadent handsome man.
“Come on! You can do whatever you want to me!”
Who the fuck wants to fuck you?
You’re also not a toilet. Even if everyone wants to use you, I don’t! Don’t think too highly of yourself, based on our bodies, you should be the one fucking me, and not me…
I must have lost my mind.
I’ll just ignore this pervert.
Having stayed with the pervert for so long, that’s why I also became so perverted.
That night, the pervert seemed to have drank a lot of alcohol. I heard him break a lot of things and then make a “bang” – presumably he must have been drunk and fell to the ground.
Brother Pervert is asleep, but I can’t seem to fall sleep.
My heart surges with a great desire. I do not know if I’ve been attracted by that pervert’s affectionate obsession. He’s a man, with a face that is not feminine in any way, but I seem to have been a little moved by it.
My heart is very heated, as if there is a fire burning constantly, climbing up from the bottom of my body to the top, climbing along every cell to the cerebral cortex. That crazy desire to want to make love with Brother Pervert has caused me to be at a loss.
But, I don’t want to fuck him.
This perception makes me panicky. If not for my lower body’s non-reaction, I believe I would have already lost all hope.
Damn it, my body’s behaving like Liu Xiahu, but why is my heart starting to go through the gay kama sutra!
It’s all because of Xiao Ru showing me that gay video in my freshman year. However, why is it that in my imagination I’ve been fucked by Brother Pervert! And hello, I’ve clearly not seen it before, why is his cock is so thick and so big! I don’t even have the right to imagine it?!
Because of this weird state of mind, for the next few days I closed my eyes and ignored Brother Pervert.
“Cheng Kuang, I miss you so much today…”
“Cheng Kuang, you look very handsome in white, which really makes people want to strip you naked…”
Damn it, if Brother Pervert goes on, I’ll feel like I won’t even know my name anymore!
“Cheng Kuang, today is the ninth day. I’m so tired. I don’t want anything, as long as I have you, I can abandon everything else. I don’t want money anymore, I don’t want the company anymore, I only want you. As long as you are by my side, I can do anything.”
I roll my eyes and ignore the words of Brother Pervert.
“Cheng Kuang, why didn’t you look for me on the seventh day? I’ve been waiting for you all night. Why don’t you come to see me? Do you still hate me? I was wrong, now, I can change anything.”
Bullshit, I have long been unwilling to take a look at you, this pervert, okay!
“Cheng Kuang, I really want to go with you. Why don’t you take me with you? How could you abandon me like this?”
Looks like he’s no longer a pervert, he’s fucking crazy!
“Cheng Kuang, I’d like to wait one more day. On the tenth day, I’ll accompany you…”
“Bang bang bang —”
As if the walls have been pushed aside by a huge machine, I vaguely feel that the light at the window is now much brighter.
“I finally found you!” Suddenly, a husky voice that’s loud but gentle rings out.
My eyes widen — Xiao Ru!
This stupid girl, unexpectedly only appearing now to save me, if it continues like this, I will have been turned gay by Brother Pervert, ok!
“Brother, I beg you to let go!”
Let what go, my hands are tied so tightly, how to let go!
“Brother, I beg you, if you go on like this again, Mom will go crazy!” Xiao Ru’s voice sounds like she’s crying, and it finally turns so hoarse that she’s unable to speak. “Brother, go with me, your body is already thin like this. You can’t stay here any longer.”
“You go, I want to be with Cheng Kuang, I want to be with him forever. He promised me that he would stay with me forever.”
Brother Pervert does not seem to be afraid of Xiao Ru at all. It’s clear that his imprisonment of me has been discovered, but Brother Pervert still looks at me with his red and bloodshot eyes.
“Xiao Qi! Cheng Kuang is already dead! You’ll never see him again. You’ll never be with him again!”
Yes, don’t dream any more. Cheng Kuang is already dead…
Xiao Ru’s hysterical voice echoes in this enclosed space. I feel a dizziness in my brain, and I can’t seem to deal with what she said.
What is… I’m already dead?
Hello, I’m still standing here ok, I’m still standing here…
After feeling that my world has shifted, together with a cracking sound, my world suddenly lights up. My head spins, and I look around, muddled.
The broken furniture and appliances are in a terrible mess. There is Xiao Ru, who has lost a lot of weight and keeps crying, and the man with a pale face who seems to not be able to stand steadily.
An animal-like whine pierce through the air, and Brother Pervert grabs Xiao Ru’s fragile neck. His eyes are red as if he could strangle her in the next second without any hesitation. “What are you doing, what are you doing! How dare you do that, how dare you fucking do that to him!”
“Cough… Xiao Qi! Cheng Kuang’s dead, he’s dead already!!!
A group of men in black overcoats appear from somewhere and pull Brother Pervert away, rescuing Xiao Ru who was almost strangled.
“Xiao Ru, if you dare say one more word, I will kick you out from the Xiao family, I will…”
“Xiao Qi! You’re a fucking madman, crazy! You think by guarding Cheng Kuang’s ashes, you can bring him back to life? Do you think by pretending to be devoted now, you can make up for what you did? I tell you, on the day you decided to marry for your career, you don’t have anything to do with him any more!”
The arguing keeps ringing in my ears.
“Xiao Qi, the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life is to recommend Cheng Kuang to the company for an internship. How could he meet such a scum as you when he was such a good man? Yes, Xiao Qi, there are many people who like you, you are great, you’re the leader of the business world. But I tell you, no matter how much money you spend, you can’t buy love! Even if you die, you’ll never get Cheng Kuang back!”
The loud female voice was heard throughout the villa.
“Yes, he is poor, but I, Xiao Ru, has never looked down upon him. You, Xiao Qi, is rich, but you’ll never know on the day you proposed to break up, how long I accompanied Cheng Kuang as he drank! I watched him nearly drink himself to a perforated stomach!”
The air has solidified into ice. As Xiao Ru speaks, her tears drench her pretty face.
“Isn’t this the result you wanted? Isn’t this the result that you’ve always wanted? Xiao Qi, after killing himself so that you won’t have any worries about the future, are you still not satisfied? Haven’t you always hope that he’ll die?!”
I never knew that Xiao Ru could say such a hurtful thing. I watch Xiao Qi’s face turn pale when she scolded him. His entire person staggers back a few steps and says, “I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t want him to die…” Then Xiao Qi stumbled and fell onto the ground.
But Xiao Ru continues looking at that wretched looking man on the ground with a sneer. She wipes the tears off her face, “As Xiao Ru, I hate you so much that I want you to die. But… as your sister, for mother’s sake, I still come to you, I still ask you, this sort of scum, to continue living on…”
Xiao Ru chokes till she cannot speak. She never stops crying.
My eyes are fixed on the man who’s paralyzed on the floor.
This is the first time I have seen Xiao Qi look so small and humble.
From the first time I saw him, he’s been a high-ranking young master of the Xiao family.
After graduating from a famous Ivy League school, Xiao Qi this name, even on Wall Street, is one of the most prominent ones in business.
He seems to be a star, gathering all the eyes of the world towards him. People cannot help worshipping him, cannot help but be convinced of his heart, can not help falling in love with him.
I love him.
I really love him.
From the mistake that happened that night till the next five years, I love him almost in a humble and undignified way. I love him with my life, I love him with everything I can and I don’t have.
Just because he is Xiao Qi.
I don’t deserve him.
So even though he never knew about lubrication and preparation before sex, always making me trembling in pain at the start, I understand him. I would secretly prepare myself in the bathroom every night before going to bed. I know he likes to eat the four famous dishes of three chefs in Yongchang Pavilion, so I try to learn them after work. Finally I get a “so-so” comment from him, and I’m very satisfied.
I used everything I could think of to maintain this relationship. I tried to improve my level, whether at work or in bed. I hope he will always be the man who reached out to me at the annual meeting five years ago and tell me, “I love you”.
But the more and more indifferent the sex became, the more I feel strange.
Xiao Qi may love me, but… He loves his career more.
In his hands, in just ten years, the Xiao empire has spread across three continents and become a leading giant in the world.
But this is not Xiao Qi’s final destination. He has to climb higher. He has the capital, he has the ability, the only thing he lacks is a breakthrough.
So that night, the night after he first gently entered me, he said to me——
Cheng Kuang, I love you, but let’s break up.
“I didn’t want you to die, Cheng Kuang… Cheng Kuang! Yes, you know, I love you, I love you very much! ” Xiao Qi sits trembling on the ground, his hands clasp tightly around his head, almost breaking down.
He seems to have been fallen from the heavens. Other than his still handsome face, his elegant and calm temperament — the one thing which I dare not touch the most — has completely disappeared at this moment.
I look at Xiao Qi calmly.
After all, he is just a human being.
A mortal who made me fall passionately in love, and made me die like a fool.
Even if he’s the highest god in my heart, with this runny nose and tears, he no longer has the dignity of Xiao Qi. But…
Why am I still so sad?
This love has already been broken into countless pieces in my heart, scattered in every cell of my body.
My hair is saying, I love Xiao Qi.
My eyes are saying, I love Xiao Qi.
My clavicle is saying, I love Xiao Qi.
My limbs are saying, I love Xiao Qi.
Throughout my body, this sentence keeps repeating ——
I love Xiao Qi.
“Take me with you, Cheng Kuang… You can’t abandon me, you’re not willing to, you can’t bear to abandon me, right!
As if he can really seen me, Xiao Qi suddenly raises his head and stares at me with his empty red eyes. His eyes are blank, unfocused, I know clearly that he is only looking at air, but the throb from my heart cannot be faked, I cannot deceive myself.
Tears slide down from the corner of Xiao Qi’s eyes: “Cheng Kuang, bring me with you.”
My heart begins to beat violently.
I use all my energy to take a last look at the man whom I loved deeply with my soul. Then I close my eyes happily, lift my lips calmly and show a light smile.
Alright, who ask me to… love you so much?
A breeze blows in, from the place in the villa that had been destroyed, and lifting the scattered ashes on the ground into the air. The handsome and noble man opens his eyes dully and watches the ashes that’s blowing all over the ground diffuse into the air.
Some of them are blown into the broken debris cracks on the ground by the wind, some of them ware blown out into the wider sky, and many more are blown forward, as if reluctantly wiping away the tears on the man’s face.
The wind’s whispering, and the gentle whisper in Xiao Qi’s ear finally causes the man to break down ——
“This is your punishment. Xiao Qi… Live properly for me.”