Chapter 12 — Why is It So Hard to Get Laid
The weather was pretty good the next morning. The sun came in through the window, slanting on the bare thighs of the two people still in a drunken sleep.
Xiao Han, still groggy, turned over. Feeling that his hands and legs were bumping into something, he was uncomfortable, and it look him a long time before he dazedly open his eyes and felt a throbbing in his temples.
Rubbing the spot between his brows, he really was unable to ignore the naked man who was still deeply asleep and sprawled out across the bed.
… Last night in the bathroom we seemed to have… Why can’t I remember what happened after that…
Xiao Han could remember nothing as he tilted his head, thinking. Finally, his eyes brushed past the other person’s raised buttocks, and his eyes flashed, having come to a decision.
Sitting up, he reached out a hand and waved it in front of Wen Muyan’s face. He then leaned into his ear and whispered, “McDonald’s? McDonald’s?”
Confirming that he was still sleeping, Xiao Han squatted down next to his leg, and spread somebody’s buttocks in a very obscene manner. He looked carefully — the hole looked normal, there was not redness no swelling no hemorrhoids, and there was also no cold, white fluids of life.
In this situation that clearly reflected that everything was normal, it instead made Xiao Han suddenly become nervous.
… What? Don’t tell me I was the one who was fucked last night?
Although knowing that it was impossible, Xiao Han could not help turning his face away. Changing to a kneeling position, he raised his body and reached behind himself to touch his own butt crack. After proving that everything behind was safe, and there was no pain, he turned his head back in relief.
— A pair of dark eyes was actually staring at him silently!
Xiao Han was so alarmed that his brain crashed on the spot, and then heard Wen Muyan murmur, “Xiao Han is taking the initiative to give me a ride? I must be still dreaming…”
His head fell back, and he went back to sleep.
Xiao Han’s face was extremely dark. He swore to heaven that there was going to be a day where he would kill this fellow, mutilate this fellow and make this fellow pregnant. In the end, he still ended up dressing himself and quietly getting off the bed. Wearing Wen Muyan’s slippers, he kicked his own shoes under the bed, and also “kindly” picked up a certain Mr Wen’s clothes and sent them to be washed.
“Young Master, you’re finally awake. Did you sleep well last night? I’ve been waiting downstairs with a few other people in the hotel you’re in, and have instructed the attendant to deliver breakfast up…”
“Alright I know.” Xiao Han drank some milk, and interrupted Xian Fu’s chatter, “How’s the situation at home?”
“Everything is fine, just that Young Master Zhuo had tried to escape several times yesterday without any success. However, he accidentally sprained his leg, and I’ve already got the doctor to look at him. It’s nothing major, but he will not be able to leave the bed for a few days.”
Hearing this, Xiao Han could not help sneering, “This isn’t too bad. I can finally have some peace for the next few days.”
“Does Young Master still have any further instructions?”
“You guys head back first.” Xiao Han looked at the clock. According to the script, he had to visit the injured Zhuo Fan in the afternoon, but he still had some free time before that.
“Yes, Young Master.”
“Hold on,” Xiao Han swapped his phone from his left hand to his right. Glancing at the half closed door, he said quietly, “Bring two sets of clean clothes in my size over, including underwear.”
“Understood, Young Master.” Hanging up the phone, Xian Fu, the steward who always held his young master’s commands in the greatest regards immediately solemnly headed for the clothing store.
Wen Muyun was awakened by hunger. His stomach gurgled, and he scratched at his disorderly hair. His nose twitching, he smelled the breakfast from the other room, but he soon discovered something awkward — his slippers and clothes had disappeared!
He instantly guessed who was the culprit. Was that idiot trying to act out the scene where the farmer stole the fairy’s clothes1?
Wrapping a towel around his waist to hide his shame, Wen Muyan walked out of the room in bare feet. As expected, he saw Xiao Han holding the newspaper and biting into an apple, looking like a carefree person waiting to watch a good show.
“Xiao Han, where did you hide my clothes?” Wen Muyan took a seat, naked. Grabbing a piece of bread, he stuffed it into his mouth.
Xiao Han stuck half his head out from behind the newspaper and smirked wickedly. “I’ve sent them to the laundry, including your underwear.”
Wen Muyan thumped the table in fury. “Where’s your humanity!”
Xiao Han looked up at him. “It never existed.”
“… Stop it.” Wen Muyan was speechless, and his head hurt. As he ate his breakfast, he grumbled, “I didn’t even do anything to you last night, why are you so petty… As expected, hoping that you will obediently sit on top of me and serve me can only be a dream…”
He seemed to have recalled some erotic dream, and started giggling foolishly.
Although his grumbling was at a very low volume, but Xiao Han who was given sharp hearing by the script heard every single word. With every word, his face darkened a little, and he finally tossed the newspaper away and spoke in a cold voice, “What are you laughing about over there?”
His cheeks puffed up with bread, Wen Muyan chewed for some time before swallowing and then chuckled, “Nothing much, I would never die laughing like somebody…”
Xiao Han stopped abruptly like a tape recording that had been cut off. Expressionlessly, he picked up the newspaper, and expressionlessly, he pulled his head back and started reading it seriously.
“Hey, idiot! Your newspaper is upside down!”
Although Young Master Xiao was inhumane, Xian Fu still had a little humanity left. Finally dressed up, Wen Muyan thought with a face full of tears, the clothes seemed to be a little too big. As there were outsiders present, he could not mention it, and he finally shot Xiao Han a look, implying that he would see him next time, before leaving.
Dragging the time out until he had no other choice, Xiao Han unwillingly drove home.
The bodyguard watching Zhuo Fan saw his young master entering with a dark face, he did not dare to even exhale loudly, and closed the door properly without a word.
“Xiao Han, what did you do to Muyan?”
Lying on the bed like a corpse, Zhuo Fan quickly sat up when he heard the noise. Tears running down his face, he struggled to get off the bed, but was dragged back and thrown into the bed by Xiao Han.
“I didn’t expect that your relationship with him was so good. I had originally promised to let him see you, but now I’m tempted to change my mind.” Xiao Han held him on the shoulder with a hand and pressed him into the bed. A pair of black eyes pinned Zhuo Fan down, his cold gaze seemed to be hiding a fury, and it made Zhuo Fan unable to breath.
Zhuo Fan’s bit his lip, his panicked eyes could not conceal his joy. Discovering this, Xiao Han seemed to be even angrier. He too did not understand why he would be furious, was Zhuo Fan not just a pawn in his hand to seize control over the Zhuo family?
Why was he so jealous when Zhuo Fan called out Wen Muyan’s name? Could it be…
“Tell me, did you fall in love with that Wen fellow? Have you already slept with him?” Xiao Han’s eyes narrowed slightly, his fingers sliding past Zhuo Fan’s trembling lips, wrapping around his slender neck, and he slowly increased the pressure.
Zhuo Fan’s eyes widened, incredulous, and his cheeks flushed as he gasped for air. “What nonsense are you saying! Muyan is my buddy! Xiao Han, you can take your revenge on me, you can hate me, but how can you doubt me? Muyan grew up with me, and now that I’ve been locked up by you, he’s only trying to break me out because he’s worried. As for you, no matter what I say you won’t believe me, you only have that dead Liang Chenli in your heart! You can just strangle me to death, in any case, I don’t want to see you again.”
He then closed his reddened eyes, no longer struggling, and silently waited for death.
Xiao Han snorted loudly and let go. Instead, he took off his clothes, and as expected, Zhuo Fan again opened his eyes glaring at him in pain and anger.
“Zhuo Fan, listen properly. Even if that Wen fellow comes to see you, he’ll never get to touch you!”
Xiao Han’s voice was very loud, sounding very angry. His rough actions were full of desire, and just as Zhuo Fan hopelessly thought that he was again about to be humiliated, a knock sounded on the door. “Young Master, you have a call. They say it’s a matter of life and death.”
Hearing this, Xiao Han immediately stopped and bounced up like a rabbit, rushing out of the room as though it was on fire.
Locking himself in his study, Xiao Han roared at the phone, “You bastard, you’re really cutting it damn close! If you were a little later, I would have to do what I didn’t want!”
Wen Muyan answered slowly, “Oh? I had thought that you would think that I was being a busybody.”
Xiao Han sat down leisurely and drank some tea to calm himself down. “Don’t worry, even if I didn’t receive the call I would also not go all the way. In the script, the scene fades to black until the next day, it doesn’t care if I’m poking him the entire night or we just sleep till the next morning.”
“… Who’s worried?”
Xiao Han was delighted. “Then who was the one who gave me 17 missed calls?”
Wen Muyan coughed. “Does the script think of nothing but sex? Why is that whether you’re angry, jealous, or just want to take revenge, towards Zhuo Fan you’re always poking his hole and poking his hole and poking his hole?”
Xiao Han rolled his eyes. “How would I know? Also, both are jealous, but why is the scum top burning with desire while the trash bottom is in pain and anger? Say, we’re both men, why is the difference between us so big?”
Listening to him complain, Wen Muyan laughed. “The script says that the agreement is for three days later, shall I go look for you tomorrow?”
“Be careful not to be discovered by the guards.” Xiao Han screened through what would happened over the next three days. Other than Zhuo Fan’s useless escapes as though he was trying to complete a daily mission, there seemed to be nothing else happening.
“Relax, going to your house is like taking a stroll in the garden.”
What replied him was Xiao Han harshly hanging up.
Nevertheless, Xiao Han deliberately made some adjustments in his security so as to allow someone to sneak in and make some small moves under the nose of the script.
It was the next evening when Wen Muyan sneaked in. It happened to be during the time after dinner when the shifts were changing.
Just as he was climbing up to the second floor towards Xiao Han’s room like a lizard on the wall, he happened to meet Zhuo Fan who was also like a lizard on the wall preparing to escape!
The two lizards looked at each other from a distance. Zhuo Fan was shocked and delighted, and tears full of emotions rolled down his cheeks. “Muyan, you’re here to rescue me?”
Wen Muyan was also shocked, but there was no delight at all. His face twisting, he stared at his hand that Zhuo Fan was clutching tightly at. He said sadly, “Ah… Yes…”
Zhuo Fan dragged him onto a small balcony and hugged him tightly around his waist. “Muyan, why are you so good to me? I’m not worth it.”
Worth your fucking ass! I’m here for Xiao Han!
The wind was howling, the horse was whinnying, and Wen Muyan was roaring in his heart, fuck off and go play by yourself, you damn gay!
The feeble Wen Muyan looked down at Zhuo Fan’s arms that were like iron bands, tears dripping down along with the wind. This was truly a tragic story.