Chapter 7 – A So-Called Explosion
Edited By: Uni
Just as Xiao Han thought the plot was moving in the most evil direction, Prince Wen suddenly stopped. In a fluster, he tried to appease the aggrieved and helpless Zhuo Fan. “Sorry, I was too impatient and didn’t consider your feelings.”
Blocked by Wen Muyan, Xiao Han couldn’t see Zhuo Fan’s expression. It was likely that he had an awkward and proud look on his face. However, this cannon fodder top was really, very tragic. He would not be able to get to taste Zhuo Fan at all, as in a few hours time, Zhuo Fan would be dragged into the palace by his own imperial edict. In the future, Xiao Han would play the role as a humble and loving top, only to have it thrown in his face; while the infatuated Prince Wen, other than being used by this little bottom to anger the emperor, would gain no benefits from it.
Thinking of how the plot would develop, Xiao Han could not help but feel anxious for Wen Muyan.
Too bad the gentle and dedicated loyal cannon fodder top, Prince Wen, had already apologetically dressed Zhuo Fan up. He then quickly left, after spending a long time pacifying him, and even kindly instructed his men to replace the door to the room.
Looking at how hastily Prince Wen left, Xiao Han’s expression changed subtly.
Never mind that, the plot still had to go on.
It was said that when Emperor Qing returned to the palace, he flew into a rage in his rooms. Then, he made a decree to summon Assistant Minister Zhuo Fan into the palace. Even if Zhuo Fan was still feeling weak, he had to come, even if it meant he had to be carried over.
No matter how reluctant Zhuo Fan was, he was still trapped by Emperor Qing in the palace.
The empress who caught wind of this gnashed her teeth and accused Zhuo Fan of causing the country misfortune. However, she was denounced by Emperor Qing in front of Zhuo Fan, and was commanded to remain in Fengqi Mansion; banned from taking a single step out. It was as though she had been thrown into the cold palace.
As for Mo Lan, there wasn’t even a need to mention him. He simply avoided as much trouble as possible. Actually, he didn’t make any mistakes. His only fault was that he had a face that always looked like he was mocking people. Of all people to mock, why did he have to mock the little bottom?
From then on, Emperor Qing, who had a sudden personality split, unexpectedly changed, and only focusing on favouring Zhuo Fan. It was too bad that this Top Scholar had his dignity, and would not be easily coaxed by Emperor Qing!
The scum top wanted to look for pleasure in his bed? If Xiao Han dared touch him, he would go on a hunger strike, or bite his tongue! Xiao Han wondered, why, when Prince Wen forcefully kissed him, he did not defend himself like this?
If force could not be used, Xiao Han would have to change his methods. What about a gentle top confessing his feelings every night? Zhuo Fan expressed that he would not be moved by this.
If both the hard and soft approaches didn’t work, what about threatening the life of Prince Wen? Zhuo Fan immediately panicked, his kind heart was about to be moved! Prince Wen only committed the crime of loving him, and did not do any wrong. How could you, this fatuous ruler, drag an innocent… A thousand words were omitted here.
According to the eunuchs serving in Changqing Palace, the emperor was furious, but was helpless against his beloved. Every day, he was remorseful, angry, sad and regretful. Cautiously treating this person as though he was fragile like glass, fearing that the other person would leave him despite his weak health — Yeah, right!
You guys are still dreaming right? You’re all too sweet.
Such an imagination would only make you feel good for a moment, but your entire family would die because of it.
What was the real situation like?
Emperor Qing confined Zhuo Fan to his royal room, but there was only one royal bed in there. At night, as Xiao Han yawned and prepared to go to bed, Zhuo Fan looked as if he was about to meet his death. With a tone as though life no longer mattered to him, he spoke wearily, “If Your Majesty wants to force yourself onto me, I have no way of resisting. I can only bite my tongue and kill myself, and your majesty can only have my body!”
After that, he closed his eyes, ready to defend the pucker that had already been played with countless times by Emperor Qing, just as though he was a chaste martyr.
However, after waiting for a long period of time, there was still no action from Emperor Qing.
Cautiously, Zhuo Fan opened his eyes, only to see Emperor Qing rolling his eyes impatiently and yawning. “Done? If so, go and sleep on the couch outside. I want to go to bed.”
Another instance, seeing how Zhuo Fan had no appetite, Emperor Qing ordered the imperial kitchen to prepare a table of delicacies. He piled them in Zhuo Fan’s bowl like a mountain — then left him aside and started enjoying the food himself.
He wiped his mouth after he was done. Seeing how Zhuo Fan was being contrary and refusing to eat, he flew into a rage again. “You’re not eating? If you don’t eat, I’ll drag Prince Wen into the palace and fuck him a hundred times!”
Zhuo Fan bit his lip and said sorrowfully, “Your Majesty, Prince Wen didn’t do anything to me. Why must you vent your anger on him just because he was kind to me? Your love for me is only suffocating me…”
Suffocate your ass! He’s the one suffocating, ok?
Xiao Han suddenly felt that he ate a bit too much just now. Why did he feel nauseous? He should call the imperial physician to come and take a look at him.
Many days had passed since Zhuo Fan entered the palace. Although Xiao Han had to face this mental irritation every day, but he could still make it through these days.
However, it was absolutely impossible for the script to let Xiao Han continue living so carefreely.
To bring the scum top and trash bottom together and quickly head to the happy ending, simply relying on the scum top to “repent and woo” was definitely not enough. An external force was needed to stimulate the plot.
Xiao Han felt a deep ache in his balls.
And what was that external force? Several countries bordering his own were now allies and were eager to attack. Emperor Qing decided to personally lead his troops and enter the battlefield!
Everyone was in an uproar, and Zhuo Fan was naturally included within. In his heart, he did not want Emperor Qing to get into any accidents, but to lower himself and beg Emperor Qing not to go, that was even more impossible.
As the war approached, Xiao Han continued holding on to the bearing of an emperor. His face never changed, refuting all pleas to not join the battle. However, vulgarities were spewing in his mind, and they were not enough to express how much he wanted to bury this script in the dirt!
As he had all the information that had to do with himself in the plot, Xiao Han knew that he wouldn’t die on the battlefield. However, he would be shot by an arrow from the enemy. Even though he did not die, he would be seriously injured.
Xiao Han’s brows knitted and he thought bitterly. He was not afraid of death, but afraid of pain. To torture him like this, he would rather just die.
But no matter what he thought, the day would soon still arrive.
Emperor Qing, who only thought about the upcoming battle, did not notice another ongoing secret plot. On the day that he was to lead the troops, Zhuo Fan, who had been carefully confined in his rooms, had a guest arrive — that was none other than Prince Wen, who had been coming up with plans to steal his beloved out of the palace.
“Prince Wen, how… how did you get in?”
Seeing how thin his beloved was, Prince Wen’s heart ached. “Let’s not talk about such trifles. Quick, come with me. Now that the emperor is leaving, it’s your best opportunity. There are so many risks on the battlefield, and swords swinging everywhere, there’s a chance that he might not return. I’ll take you and leave. This position, these riches, I don’t need them. Let’s conceal our identities and never return, alright?”
Zhuo Fan was so shocked that he couldn’t say a single word. Without thinking, he shook his head. “Prince Wen, I… I can’t watch the emperor go into danger and ignore it. If Prince Wen is really sincere towards me, please agree to my heartless request!”
Having made the difficult decision to leave everything behind, only to get rejected, Prince Wen unexpectedly did not have a very surprised reaction. Wen Muyan only looked at Zhuo Fan blankly, his mouth spasming, “Say it.”
“I’m not able to leave the palace, but Prince Wen can. Prince Wen, please protect His Majesty for me!”
Actually, Emperor Qing did not intentionally eavesdrop on this conversation. It was only that just before he left, he had to follow the script’s requirements and bring a bough of plum blossoms to Zhuo Fan.
The script forced him to keep thinking about Zhuo Fan after leaving the palace. He became increasingly afraid of dying on the battlefield, and feared that he would not have a chance to put his feelings into words. He wilfully left the troops behind and ran back to the palace alone. He would present Zhuo Fan with those blossoms together with an emotional confession.
At first, Xiao Han had only thought that the script was a normal dog-blood plot, but who would have expected that it would have put in so much effort in this secret plot.
After hearing Zhuo Fan’s “heart-felt words”, Xiao Han could not help snorting. If he really felt that way, why was he behaving like that when he was present? Only after he left, then he would start pretending to be loving and tragic?
At that moment, he did not know that the real tragedy belonged to the cannon fodder top. Because, after this idiot agreed to Zhuo Fan’s request to protect the emperor, his ending would be to block the most lethal arrow for the emperor, and die in the battlefield.
Even moments before his death, he would cling on to Emperor Qing, leaving behind his last words. “If you don’t treat Zhuo Fan well, even if I have to become a ferocious ghost, I’ll never let you off!”
See, what a deeply infatuated heart, to love without any reservations, and even giving up his life without any regrets.
So, when the half-dead Emperor Qing returned to the palace, after knowing everything, Zhuo Fan would forever keep a special corner of his heart for Prince Wen — the man who died for his happiness! How could he not be moved, be sorrowful, and feel pity. If he had a next life, he had to kick Emperor Qing away and live a good life with him!
Wen Muyan was silent for a long, long time, then he finally responded with much difficulty. “… Good — your ass!”
“You think I’m a sanitary napkin? Throwing it away after using it?! Even a cannon fodder has his dignity, ok?!”
“Giving up my carefree life as a prince, I’ll have to stupidly give up so many things for a fool like you. What tall, handsome, rich, loving, gentle, loyal, black-bellied, they’re all for the purpose of foreshadowing the cannon fodder’s end!!”
“And what living in your heart forever, who fucking wants to live in your heart? Does your heart have a bed, a refrigerator, or a toilet?”
“Who’s the idiot who wants to have a good life with you in the next lifetime? Please stay far away from me in the next life, if not I’ll beat you up!”
“Why must I always be the side dude? Why must I give up my life to save my love rival?”
“Has your IQ fucking turned into butterflies and flown away?”
“Always looking so fragile, were you a chicken wing in your previous life? Even if you finally decided that you still prefer KFC, you don’t have to run to McDonalds and shout, hey, give me a chicken wing! Have you ever considered the feelings of McDonalds, huh?!”
Zhuo Fan was completely stunned.
Xiao Han was stunned too. He stared as the elegant Wen Muyan roared away, then walked out of the hall with a fully entertained look.
Then, as Xiao Han thought about it again, he started laughing. So McDonalds and KFC were love rivals hahahaha. Wait, this didn’t seem to be the key point hahahahahahahaha—
Laughing, laughing, and so he laughed himself to death.
Author’s Note: The ancient arc ends here.