AWM Chapter 44

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Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence

Chapter 44


In Yu Yang’s room on the third floor of HOG’s base, Yu Yang was sleeping on the bed, sweat between his brows, his pale yellow bangs were wet and stuck to his temples.


Yu Yang’s brows were knitted together and his breathing heavy.


It had been a long time since he had nightmares.


In particular, these few months, Yu Yang would fall asleep as soon as he touched his bed. His body was too tired but his mental state was very relaxed and he did not get worried about anything. His quality of sleep was better than the previous few years and he would occasionally have dreams, but they were concerning Qi Zui. Dreams that involved Qi Zui were all good dreams.


Perhaps it was because he was feeling too stressed over the tattooing incident, Yu Yang began to have nightmares recently that had rarely occurred before this.


Yu Yang dreamed of the time when he was twelve years old.


A crowded room, dark corridors, the blurry face of his step-father…


Little Yu Yang seemed to have been hit again.


He lost consciousness due to his beating and when he woke up, his whole body was in pain, his face covered in blood.


Why he got hit… he could not remember.


Yu Yang did not know the reason he was hit every time.


If the volume of the television was too loud, he might get hit.


If the volume of the television was too soft, he might also get hit.


If his books were not properly kept, he might get hit.


If his books were kept too neatly, he might also get hit.


The floor had a piece of paper scrap, water stains were covering the bathroom countertop, there were clothes that he had forgotten to keep in time hanging on the balcony…


These were all reasons he could have gotten hit.


His step-father had all kinds of weird reasons to hit him and he would often suddenly explode. The previous moment he would still be talking casually and the next, he would slap him.


After a long time, little Yu Yang got used to keeping a distance from people. Even in school, when the gentlest female teacher got close to him while teaching, little Yu Yang would feel very uncomfortable


Subconsciously, he felt that the kind and beautiful female teacher might hit his head with a book the next moment.


Yu Yang’s mind was muddled from his sleep and he only remembered after a long while that the reason he got hit today seemed to be because he had bitten that scumbag.


He had bitten him till he bled.


Yu Yang had never properly resigned himself to getting hit.


Although he would get beaten up worse every time, no matter how much other people tried to persuade him, he refused to beg for mercy from that scum.


Even if he could not win a fight against him now, he would be able to win when he grew up.


Yu Yang did not believe that he and his mother would be tortured by this scumbag for their whole lives.


Yu Yang had always thought that he would rot in this place.


Little Yu Yang felt a little dizzy from being hit and kept feeling nauseous. He lost consciousness again.


When little Yu Yang in the dream woke up again, he was already lying on the bed.


His mother’s eyes were red and she wrung a wet towel to wipe the blood on his face.


Yu Yang opened his eyes and asked weakly, “Why didn’t you run just now?”


His mother sobbed and shook her head.


The reason he was hit just now was that after his school ended, Yu Yang had heard sounds coming from the bedroom.


That scum was hitting his mother.


Yu Yang threw his back down and lunged over, biting on his wrist.


What happened after… he could not remember.


Little Yu Yang did not avoid the cloth and suggested again, “Let’s go, I can think of a way out. In the worst-case scenario, I’ll not go to university. At least we can survive… he doesn’t spend any money on you and you have to serve him… without him…”


His mom shook her head again, crying.


Little Yu Yang closed his eyes, exhausted. He did not know why his mother only knew how to cry.


She had never resisted, and when Yu Yang was hit, she did not stop the man, she would just try to persuade him to stop in a low voice filled with fear.


Little Yu Yang did not understand.


Why don’t you help me?


Why don’t you divorce him?


But a larger portion of his resentment was towards himself.


Why are you just twelve years old?


Why can’t you beat him in a fight?


Why can’t you earn money?


At that moment, Little Yu Yang was not very able to accept close contact with people. After he calmed down a little, he pushed his mother away and went to wash his face.


He did not know where his step-father went, he probably went to drink alcohol with his friends.


Little Yu Yang washed his face and held himself up using the wall, shuffling towards his small bedroom. When he passed by the living room, his eyes lit up.


The lower drawer of the television cabinet in the living room was open.


That was where his step-father kept his money. Normally, his step-father would take money from, there to pass to his mother and have his mother buy groceries and alcohol.


Perhaps it was because his step-father drank too much today that when he was walking, he was in a daze and had forgotten to lock the drawer.


Little Yu Yang walked over slowly and took out a banknote from inside and went out.


Yu Yang’s house did not have a fixed telephone line and the telephone booth in his neighborhood had completely stopped working a long time ago. He ran to the neighboring street and found a convenience stall. He threw a dollar over and said vaguely, “I want to make a phone call.”


These days, there were too few people who came out to borrow a phone. The convenience store owner looked Yu Yang up and down. The wonder did not ask any questions and passed the telephone forward.


Little Yu Yang’s fingers trembled slightly and he quickly dialed a number.


After he finished making the phone call, little Yu Yang ran back home.


On the way home, little Yu Yang’s heartbeat sped up, there were even hints of a smile on his face.


Little Yu Yang ripped off the bandage his mother had wrapped around his arm and gathered up his courage, then used all his strength to grasp onto the wound, blood instantly seeping out.


Yu Yang returned home and washed his hands clean, lying on the floor.


Little Yu Yang fainted again, but this time, he was very relaxed. This should be the end.


He was not sure about how they would survive in the future, but it was fine. He could watch computers at an Internet cafe or help out at a restaurant that did not care too much about who they hired. He did not believe that he could not earn enough to keep his mother alive.


As long as they were alive, it was enough. It was better than watching his mother get hit every now and then.


He was fed up.


Little Yu Yang had been woken up by the noise.


His eyes had begun to swell and he could not see clearly. He saw his mother explaining to the police.


Little Yu Yang struggled to stand up. He had yet to speak when he heard his mother explain to the police meekly…


“Young child… Mischievous, got into a group fight…”


“There’s no domestic violence, the child isn’t under his father’s control…”


“It’s our family matter…”


“No, everyone in the neighborhood knows that this child is ignorant and gets into fights all day long…”


The police officer looked at Yu Yang’s mother cautiously, then turned his head to look towards little Yu Yang, asking him about the details.


Little Yu Yang looked at his mother, feeling icy cold.


Yu Yang’s mother was behind the police officer and was shaking her head towards him in pain.


Yu Yang closed his eyes. It was the first time he cried because he had gotten hit.


Yu Yang bit himself till there was blood and said in a low voice, “I was talking nonsense…”


The police officer was a bit suspicious, but this was a family matter that was the hardest to deal with. He was unable to ask more and after he gave the two a lecture, he left.


Little Yu Yang looked at his mother and asked her why.


His mother knelt on the ground and cried, “I’m pregnant…”


Yu Yang buried his face in his pillow, feeling so depressed he could not breathe.


Yu Yang’s eyelids moved and he woke up.


He looked to the left and right and exhaled slowly, relaxing before he lay back onto the bed.


The mattress’s softness was just right. Qi Zui had He Xiaoxu change it for him.


Yu Yang’s dormitory room was more than 30 square meters, the lighting was good, and had a small bathroom. The room was not big but it was more than enough for one person to stay in.


Yu Yang was very satisfied.


He had gotten a bit affected and after he took a bath, Yu Yang took out his phone and checked his bank account.


The money this month had been transferred on time.


It was five thousand, not a cent more or less.


It was a human’s duty to take care of one’s parents. These few years, Yu Yang had kept transferring money to his mother.


When he earned less, he naturally gave less. However, when he earned more, he did not give much more.


In the past, the most he gave was two thousand. The reason it had increased to five thousand was that Yu Yang’s mother had finally agreed to Yu Yang’s request and gotten divorced.


She brought a boy and moved to another city.


That five thousand RMB was the source of money for their essentials for the mother and child. It was enough for them to ensure that they were fed. However, they had to rent a house and had to pay for the child’s school fees. All those small things added up was quite a lot of money, so the two of them definitely did not have a very good life.


Actually, based on the money Yu Yang earned, he could afford to transfer tens of thousands of RMB to his mother per month, but he was unwilling to.


After he had called the police at that time, his step-father had almost beat him to death.


His mother had been the same as usual, only hiding at the doorway, crying in a low voice.


Little Yu Yang had been hit by the man till he was unable to even speak properly. He stuttered, “If you have the ability to, you can beat me to death… If I die, you can go to jail and let my mother live out her days freely…”


What he got in response were punches that increased in strength.


In the end, Yu Yang did not get beaten to death.


After he gained consciousness and revived, he ran.


Before he left, he asked his mother again if she wanted to leave with him, that no matter what, he would ensure that they could get by.


The woman who had been submissive her whole life shook her head, losing hope while feeling helpless. She even wanted to convince Yu Yang to not leave.


Little Yu Yang pushed away his mother’s hand and left, without even looking back.


When Xie Chen was helping Yu Yang with his counseling sessions, he tried to have Yu Yang let go and forgive his mother.


He hinted to Yu Yang that his mother was not unmoved. She just did not want to anger her husband and wanted to protect the child in her womb.


Yu Yang looked at Xie Chen quietly and asked, “Am I not her child?”


Xie Chen was speechless.


Yu Yang was unable to accept other people touching him. The pain of his body and his emotions had continuously added up and caused him to have a serious misunderstanding, causing him to treat everyone who got close to him like his stepfather.


To have him let go, there must be a breakthrough. However, there was a mother who Yu Yang both loved and hated.


Xie Chen tried it multiple times. Aside from causing Yu Yang’s emotions to become more extreme, it was useless.


He had no other method and could only convince Yu Yang to try desensitization treatment. As for the parts in his heart that he was unable to let go of, Xie Chen could not do anything to help.


Yu Yang wiped the water droplets off his hands and picked up the watch he had placed at the head of his bed.


His phone vibrated once and Yu Yang turned his head, frowning slightly.


It was a message from an unknown number.


Yu Yang picked up his phone…


Yu Yang deleted the message and went to eat breakfast. Then, he headed for the training room for practice as usual.


During the practice match, Yu Yang received a few more messages.


Yu Yang looked at the messages coldly and did not delete them again.


What was supposed to come would eventually come.


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17 thoughts on “AWM Chapter 44

  1. I’m sorry I can’t agree with Xie Chen. Why should he forgive his mother? She could’ve gotten help from people but she refused and watched while her child was getting beat up why? for the child in her womb? on what basis was she so sure that that monster won’t beat her or the new born baby. was she thinking of a happy ever after like most people think that having a child is a solution of all relationship problems 🙂 eh damn ik i should’ve skipped this but i wanted to read it to know more about yu yang :/

  2. i don’t agree with xie chen. Yu yang is right not to forgive his mother. I understand that she wanted to protect the baby in her womb but what about yu yang?? he was being beaten all the time, to the point of dying at any moment. Honestly, when you are a monster nothing and time will not change that. A monster will always be a monster. i’m very sad to know more about baby yangyang’s past, he is so strong 😭

  3. i too did not agree on forgiving his mother QAQ Yu Yang had suffered in the hands of his step-father and she didn’t do anything??? aiya so angry ah!!! anyway, thank u for the chapter~

  4. Yu Yang has a shitty mother imo, can’t even protect little Yuyang and let her shitty husband beating him like that..! and that scumbag step father deserves to be in jail for his whole life!

  5. Okay.. so, you let your son to be beaten.. its unforgivable.. but yu yang still thinking of you.. ahh i wanna hug yu yang😭

  6. I think, the forgiving things is not about wether his mom is wrong or not. She did hurt yu yang and yu yang has every right to hate his mom.
    But in order for yu yang to truly be set free is by forgiving his mom. Forgiving is forgiving, but it does not mean their relationship can be fixed.

  7. Yu Yang’s stepfather was awful, and his mother was even worse. 😤. It was right for him not to forgive his own mother. Although Yu Yang’s stepfather was the root of all this, his mother could’ve gotten help from someone. Stupid, did she really think the bastard won’t her unborn child? Did she even thought that she could’ve gotten miscarriage from all the bearings? Ugh.

    And now the bastard old man is trying to harass Yu Yang again. I bet he just wants to leech off of Yu Yang’s money.

  8. I will never be able to understand and also feel disgusted towards the “mothers” who let the husbands hit their children with SO MANY EXCUSES. I don’t say being a mother mean they have to sacrifice everything but at least shouldn’t hurt or take advantage of their own children.

  9. I feel like Xie Chen has that cultural or societal viewpoint of respecting your elders and “but she’s still your mom, so you HAVE to forgive her.”
    Screw that. Abuse is complicated, and I would never judge someone for not being able to escape from their abuser. It’s so much more than just a door that keeps them from freedom.
    But the fact that she watched a child, HER child, get beaten every day and even asked him to stay? That disgusts me.
    Imo, resolution with trauma doesn’t have to come from forgiveness. I hope Yu Yang gets his bit of closure in a way that he’s satisfied with.

  10. I just hope the bastard of a stepfather gets his just deserts. I crave to see how God Qi will make the bastard suffer. No child should suffer what Yang Yang did

  11. Scary… it’s not whether he can forgive his mother or not. It’s the time when he would stop feeling that afraid of being attached to someone and being beaten due to the negligence and domestic abuse.

    The first time he tried to reach out for help, she was the one who closed the doors and endangered both of their lives as well as the unborn baby. Running away at 12… I am surprised that CS did not investigate them. If they did, they would have noticed the signs of abuse on the mother.

    I know what are the other concerns of the mother, maybe the father is the only sole source of their livelihood but-

    I’m just so sad because this is actually happening somewhere. How many youths, mothers or fathers are not getting their well-deserved help?

  12. Youth should save his messages especially if it contains threats and signs of intimidation. The case would be smoother than actually having nothing.

  13. If I were Yu Yang, I wouldn’t give her money, not even a penny after what she did.

    Why does her other child matter but Yu Yang doesn’t? Yu Yang is also her son and yet she never tried protecting him.

    Yu Yang was fortunate to survive but what if he didn’t? She was an adult and he was only a child. She had more options than a child. She should’ve done more for him such as getting help.

    She’s lucky that son she abandoned still provides for her. If I were him, I would’ve cut ties with her a long time ago despite our relationship.

    Yu Yang should inform his company so they could help him sue and lock up that abusive old man.

  14. Forgive? No way. That’s not something he should be asked to do. If he wants to, it’s not wrong of him to, but it’s completely dismissive and unfair of Xie Chen to say that… no wonder Yu Yang was so against this.

  15. I am very angry, very angry that I want to cry.

    I do not agree with Xie Chen. He is — ughhh goshhh it is so infuriating! The mother is so stupefying! And the father is the worst calling him an animal is an insult to animals. I can not find the right words, I’m sorry.

    For Xie Chen, I just want to say that you are right. You are really not that good at this. Your way of handling this is shit. How can he not emphasize with Yu Yang as the counselor? Why did he not take Yu Yang’s feelings into consideration before moving into the forgiving/letting go stage when it was yet to be properly addressed? It is like he was denying the pain of Yu Yang and depriving of him the right to be angry.

    And the mother was definitely moved because she is a coward and does not even have the guts to live away from his wretched husband. She wanted more to live in the safe house with the insides riddles with spikes.

  16. Yu Yang didn’t have to forgive his mother, but to forgive himself he had to accept his mother. People with normal lives will not understand how complex family problems like this are. As a child I knew very well what Yu Yang felt, but now that I’m an adult and know the difficulties of life outside I can’t blame his mother completely. It is also a tough choice for his mom, if she divorces she will suffer financially while if she stays she will still suffer mentally.

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